So Monday, 04/27/09, I went to my court hearing. I was taken aback as to how cold my W’s L was. But I knew after reading DR that that is a DL’s job. She did apologize to me when we discussed the kids and visitation and I broke down. It all hit me at once, this was finally here. I thought I was prepared for the whole situation but I really wasn’t. As I was sitting in the court hall, my W walked up and asked to sit with me. I thought to myself, WTF! You want to divorce me and you want to sit next to me? Huh!? Am I missing something here? So I’m back in the room with her L. I started negotiating the visitation and giving up weekends. I felt like my stomach was being pulled inside out. And my heart was ripped from my body as my babies were being taken from me. Everything hit me at once; flashed before my eyes. The day we met, I asked her to marry me, our wedding, the birth of our children, our problems, the red flags and so on. I left the court house and called my manager and told him I’m not coming in. I picked up my son from daycare, took him home, and held him while he slept in my arms. I cried the whole damn time. Thinking how could I have failed my kids? How could I have failed my kids? I picked up my D’s after school; we went to Mickey D’s and had just a blast. Whatever they wanted, they got that day. We went home, talked to my and cried like a big baby. My brother called and I cried like a big baby. They all said the same thing, this is just temporary. That evening, she came by to pick up the kids. The girls wanted to spend the night, she said no. My son told her that he didn’t want to go with her. I couldn’t look up at her, I started crying. I looked up at her and she was in tears. She said I love you but this had to be done. I wasn’t ready to hear this and I told her that this could have all been avoided. Still can but it takes two. Again, she questioned the past, my past and only my past. Then she said she wanted to be friends. Why?
Yesterday (04/30/09), I decided that I was going to be the best damn friend she ever had. If she decides to change her mind because, somehow, by a miracle from the man above she falls back in love with me. Then GREAT for my family and life goes on. But if she decides that she wants to go through with it. Then I’m gone, I’m not her friend anymore. But I’ll be the best damn person for the lady friend that I might meet out there. I’m getting to the point where I can’t be the guy always trying to reassure her that I’m still here. I still love you. She will never find another man or woman (you never know) out there that would love her the way I do. If she decides after a year or two that she wants to reconcile; I’m sorry but this ship has sailed. I’m off, done and over with you. I’ve tried for myself and the kids. Not to stay married for the kids but because they deserve at least that much. They deserve better than what they are getting now. Kids they are resilient but we take them for granted.
So this is it, 05/01/09, the new Joey is in the making. Have a great weekend, hug your kids and tell them that you love them.
