New around here...

[hopeful_cb]

How do I create mystery? I know I can make sure I'm not too available and not answer questions too detailed. But usually in the past when he talks to me he asks about what I've been doing. and if I am vague and say something like ' I was not home/was busy/ was out' He follows with specific questions like 'Where did you go?' and Who did you go with? If I say a friend he asks which one? So should I not answer these questions? or how do I handle this? Do I say its not important or none of your business(in a nicer way) How do I sounds mysterious without sounding like I'm dodging questions (or should this be what I'm doing?) or sounding like im lying.

Maybe I should stop worrying about how I'll come off to H. I just don't want to push him farther away as I did lots of pushing with my reaction when the bomb was dropped (before I found DR).

One of the many things H stressed as a reason why it wasn't working and he wasn't happy anymore was that we didn't have anything/enough to talk about (and in common anymore) so I feel like cutting all conversations short or avoiding questions may not be helpful?

[hopeful_cb]

Ok so I finally hear from H tonight. He didn't call me but text me.

I dont know if he thinks I just got back today or if he knows I got back last Tuesday.

So I kept it short but didn't know how to sound upbeat in 3 words! All he said was 'hi did you get back ok. i hope you had a good time :)' so I answered 'hi yes I did' and he said 'good. just wanted to make sure. hope you are alright and its ok being back' and I answered 'Yep I'm good been busy'

such small interaction seem like a such big deal right now. I suppose thats because it's all there has been.

So I guess I go dark again until the next time H contacts? Is that how this works?

[mnt_dreams]

I think you did great with the responses! You were upbeat and kept your texts short and sweet. He's got to be thinking to himself that you're doing pretty well without him... that's creating the mystery, in my opinion. You're keeping busy... he's wondering, busy doing what or who's she with... Nice job.

If you feel good about this interaction, then I'd say, yeah, go dark again until H contacts you again.

I know what you mean about it being a big deal though... I'd be re-reading his text msgs and responses and wondering about the tone, intention, etc. Try not to obsess if you are. I think you handled it very well.

[hopeful_cb]

I am doing pretty good at not obsessing today. Well a lot better than in the past few weeks so I look at that as improvement. I am able to spend hours without thinking about him. I think right now I am spending more time thinking about how I should react next time, if I am doing the right things and how long will it be until he next contacts me. Rather than what he is doing himself, who he is with or what he has already said,etc.

If you feel good about this interaction, then I'd say, yeah, go dark again until H contacts you again

Well I dont know if I'd say I feel good about it because I wish there was more, but I guess its better than none. I am worried I may have come across as cold or like I didn't care anymore. I am glad I stuck to my plan and followed through tho. I just hope that having such little contact doesn't make us drift even further apart.

I've got a long 3 day weekend coming up and need to make sure I keep busy so I don't obsess and worry. And the only thing that I really have to do is the only thing I don't want to do/can't concentrate on! (essays for my postgrad classes)

[hopeful_cb]

I really want to call H tonight or at least txt to say hi. I feel like its been so long since we even spoke. I stuck with my quick short answers on tuesday(texting) and have heard nothing yet. I know its far to early to expect anything yet so I'm trying not too. Just really missing him tonight.

We have no excuses to see each other(besides house/bills stuff but really I can take care of it all) We have no kids to keep us seeing each other and no family stuff happening. What others have said is to stay strong and leave it for now, but it just feels like he is slipping away more and more now.

I don't really think the bill that came this week is worth contacting to discuss because I think we would decide that I should pay even if we discussed it. And I don't feel like the fact that his mail is piling up is a good enough reason to contact either. So I haven't.

he just feels so far away. How can I ever show the work I've been doing on me when I never see him. I think the only thing he may notice is that I am not contacting him. And am worried he may just think I have accepted things and am moving on.

[mnt_dreams]

I know what you mean... when there's no interaction at all, it is super tough. I can tell you to stay strong, but I know it's not always possible. Maybe you can distract yourself tonight instead of calling... go see a movie or get out of the house... Hang in there!

[hopeful_cb]

Thanks for the comment I need all the help I can get!

I did just what you suggested last night. I went to a friends for a while. She was having some problems herself so I was able to listen and try and cheer her up. Sometimes focusing on other's problems and helping other people can really distract you from your own problems. Its nice to have at least A friend to talk to even if they don't totally understand what I'm trying to do with my own sitch. So ended up getting ice cream and watching a movie and relaxing. So I was glad to be distracted.

I have been following the LTR for 2 months now. At first I got some good results but in the last 3 weeks that has dropped way off. Is this normal to happen? I have only had a short text in over 2 weeks. I feel maybe its because my responses have been so short. maybe I am coming across as not friendly. How long do you keep trying one thing before you try something different? I have been dark for 4 weeks with very little interaction or response. Does it ever come to the point when you go ahead and say something friendly like 'how are you?' or is that a big no no?

any advice would be great. I feel like I'm thinking in circles here.

[mnt_dreams]

Good for you for getting together with a friend. Sounds like you enjoyed yourself, and I totally agree that helping other people is a good distraction from our own situations. In fact, it usually makes me feel like my problems aren't so terrible... it can always been worse.

You saw my own post re: the email and then the text. I was feeling the same way about the LRT and not seeing any results. To answer your question, obviously I'm new to this too and maybe others will jump in with thoughts on how long to keep trying one technique before doing something different... the DR book I think suggests a couple weeks. So, maybe try a friendly how are you... but keep it short, don't talk about yourself too much - it's all about him right now... and end the conversation first.

[hopeful_cb]

Yeh I saw that and am considering trying something like that with no pressure on it. just going to think on it a bit longer...I always end up thinking everything over so much! don't know if thats good or bad.

Thanks mnt for keeping up with me. I don't seem to be getting much traffic on my thread, I'm not sure why, so I really appreciated the input.

I had a real busy day and got a few things done around the house then went out for most the day(went to university library and got books for my essay, picked up leaflets on things to do around the city like plays, museums, etc, and had lunch out) but was on my own. Just having a hard time tonight. I got invited to go out with a friend and meet 3 new people, but I was so upset when they asked, I know I should have gone and just acted as if, but I just didn't feel like I could put my brave face on tonight so I asked for a rain check.

[hopefulinEG]

I feel maybe its because my responses have been so short. maybe I am coming across as not friendly.

I found I had the same problem. Wife commented that my texts sounded snippy at C. I have started putting a Hi at the beginning of my texts. I also read it outl oud and try to see what tone it would come across as. I am very blunt and have to really try to make sure my txts don't seem short, snippy or unfriendly.