Within the past week I have spoken to a few co-workers that have been going through marital issues. I've used my experiences to get them to talk to their spouse. One of them is back with his wife. The other is on the fence, wanting a divorce. Funny how I'm able to get him to listen but my wife thinks she has all the answers and the answer is DIVORCE.
Last edited by jaguilar; 05/01/0909:59 PM.
Me - 39 W - 39 D - 11 D - 8 S - 5 Served - 04/14/09 Temporary Court Orders - 04/27/09
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
J - I know how u feel. Even after my D I still question what to do if she came back. I really deserve better and think she could never be the W I thought she could be. This db process really opens your eyes on whats important in life.
Well I went to see the L today. She said that the Great State of Texas does not recognize Legal Separation. Wonderful! I told her about our temporary hearing on Monday and that my W came back on Monday afternoon with I love you and this hurts but had to be done. I guess I should have asked, what and why?
The L said maybe she is starting to feel the pain and stress of the D OR is just trying to say I love you but I want the divorce. So another question I never thought about. She says she wants to be friends, if we're D'd, I can't be her friend. But I figure for now, I can show her that I'm that guy she fell in love with and MUCH MUCH MORE. If she goes through with the D, then her loss. I'll be the better man for it.
As I was waiting in the court room, the very first case was dismissed. The couple reconciled. So there is hope.
One last thing about my W. When we first started dating, I made that fateful call asking her out in June of 93. She was supposed to go back to Austin after the summer and find a job after she had just graduated. I made the call, we started dating and the rest is history.
PMA - thanks I'm taking it one day at a time. The kids are too. They ask about my everyday, I tell them and they say, "I know, I know Dad one day at a time." I'm also learning to leave it in Gods hands.
I'm going to invite her with us Saturday to see if she wants to go see a movie or ehad out to one of the state parks. She said she wants to hang out with the kids. Well here is some QT with the kids. Not with me but with them, because its all about the kids.
Me - 39 W - 39 D - 11 D - 8 S - 5 Served - 04/14/09 Temporary Court Orders - 04/27/09
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
But I figure for now, I can show her that I'm that guy she fell in love with and MUCH MUCH MORE. If she goes through with the D, then her loss. I'll be the better man for it.
As I was waiting in the court room, the very first case was dismissed. The couple reconciled. So there is hope.
We could all spend hours depicting the unknown actions of our WASs :-). They are a mystery... I like your PMA Jag. Have a great weekend.
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
So Monday, 04/27/09, I went to my court hearing. I was taken aback as to how cold my W’s L was. But I knew after reading DR that that is a DL’s job. She did apologize to me when we discussed the kids and visitation and I broke down. It all hit me at once, this was finally here. I thought I was prepared for the whole situation but I really wasn’t. As I was sitting in the court hall, my W walked up and asked to sit with me. I thought to myself, WTF! You want to divorce me and you want to sit next to me? Huh!? Am I missing something here? So I’m back in the room with her L. I started negotiating the visitation and giving up weekends. I felt like my stomach was being pulled inside out. And my heart was ripped from my body as my babies were being taken from me. Everything hit me at once; flashed before my eyes. The day we met, I asked her to marry me, our wedding, the birth of our children, our problems, the red flags and so on. I left the court house and called my manager and told him I’m not coming in. I picked up my son from daycare, took him home, and held him while he slept in my arms. I cried the whole damn time. Thinking how could I have failed my kids? How could I have failed my kids? I picked up my D’s after school; we went to Mickey D’s and had just a blast. Whatever they wanted, they got that day. We went home, talked to my and cried like a big baby. My brother called and I cried like a big baby. They all said the same thing, this is just temporary. That evening, she came by to pick up the kids. The girls wanted to spend the night, she said no. My son told her that he didn’t want to go with her. I couldn’t look up at her, I started crying. I looked up at her and she was in tears. She said I love you but this had to be done. I wasn’t ready to hear this and I told her that this could have all been avoided. Still can but it takes two. Again, she questioned the past, my past and only my past. Then she said she wanted to be friends. Why?
Yesterday (04/30/09), I decided that I was going to be the best damn friend she ever had. If she decides to change her mind because, somehow, by a miracle from the man above she falls back in love with me. Then GREAT for my family and life goes on. But if she decides that she wants to go through with it. Then I’m gone, I’m not her friend anymore. But I’ll be the best damn person for the lady friend that I might meet out there. I’m getting to the point where I can’t be the guy always trying to reassure her that I’m still here. I still love you. She will never find another man or woman (you never know) out there that would love her the way I do. If she decides after a year or two that she wants to reconcile; I’m sorry but this ship has sailed. I’m off, done and over with you. I’ve tried for myself and the kids. Not to stay married for the kids but because they deserve at least that much. They deserve better than what they are getting now. Kids they are resilient but we take them for granted.
So this is it, 05/01/09, the new Joey is in the making. Have a great weekend, hug your kids and tell them that you love them.
Jag, I'm in tears for you my friend. I cannot imagine the pain and anguish that you've been through this week. We think that we know when a Sp walks out, or cheats, but to have your kids literally ripped from your bosom is absolutely the worst I can imagine.
I'm praying for you and your family. Your W has absolutely no heart whatsoever. You may have some residual of feeling for her, but after hearing your plight and following your sitch I can't feel anything but disgust for her. Be strong my brother.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
Jag, I too am very sorry for you and wish you only the best. Seems like a big old can of suck got opened this week and dumped on many of us.
Be strong for your kids, and make the most of every moment you have with them. I am in the same boat where my family has been ripped apart by WAW, and I have limited time with my kids, and it sucks so bad. Add to that, my dog died yesterday, talk about adding insult to a badly injured heart.
Its each persons individual choice. And I can't say what I will do once my D finally goes through. But people do reconcile after D. Granted the numbers are not in favor. But it does happen.
You might give it some time after and see what happens before you move on. Just trying to be encouraging. I don't know how long I will wait either. I don't even know how to meet women now or where to meet them or anything. But I understand how you feel.
I wouldn't rush right into another relationship though. Give yourself time to heal and grow. Figure out how to be happy first. And you never know, during that process, she may wake up and it may be better than ever. I wouldn't say write her off forever. You just don't know what the future holds.
Hang in there. You are doing better than I am.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
