<< And last but not least, holding on to this, and investigating the slightest possibility of our M being "repaired", if it happened, would make everything I went thru meaningful and my original choice of man correct. Dont give me the "it is meaningful either way", you all know what I mean.
K, You are fearful and you are brave for holding on. But you are also by and large "stuck" in a 'holding pattern'. This board won't give you the answers - one day you will simply wake up and 'do what it takes' then you will realize the 'meaningful'.
People here are trying to nudge you one way or another based on each of our extremely narrow views of the world. I say 'this' and someone else says 'that' and you hear whatever you want to. For example you seem to have 'settling' stubbornly stuck in your mind and that's making you feel justified in this 'holding' patten. Or maybe waiting for some stars to line up in your favor or your dad to get well buys more time. If I had a choice to nudge you one way or another right now (and what you have said above confirms my judgment) I rather nudge you in the direction of making your marriage wonderful by doing all it takes on YOUR part. I think constantly about what it would take, but I don't know exactly, you just have to bumble along until you strike the right chord.
