Newly separated...spouse left, 3rd thread

[antlers]

Incidentally futureunknown...she told me last night that she dislikes the 'new me' even more than she disliked the 'old me'!
What's your take on that?

You probably tried to point out how you're now different. She's extremely angry, and she'll take any opportunity to lash out, and the last thing she wants is you trying to tell her that NOW you'll be so different and great. She doesn't even really know the new you, she can't, because he doesn't fully exist yet. This is going to take a lot more time. Stop trying to make something happen, and just step back, let her go, give her the freedom she needs, and take this time to work on you. Shock her over how fine you are with all this. Make her think you've come to a new realization about everything, and you now see how right she is about everything, and that she's free to go and live her life. Better yet, actually believe that yourself! But don't say any of this, just do it and live it. She's going to need a lot of time to work through her anger. Her seeing you change very well might bring up that anger, because she'll think "Why couldn't he change before! Why did he have to make me leave!" Remember, no matter what she says, she didn't want to leave, she feels you left her no choice, eventually you forced her to do what she didn't want to do, now she has to live with the guilt, and she hates you for it." With time, her anger will subside, and hopefully she'll be open to seeing you in a new light.

Don't think of it as false hope. Hope by it's nature is risky, so don't build the foundation of your new life on this hope. The hope is just a special thing for you to carry with you if you choose to.

I just told her that I've been working on myself, and that I will continue to do so regardless of what happens with us. She said "you need to learn from your mistakes" and I said that I 'am' learning from my mistakes and I'm gonna continue to do so. It really hurt when she said that maybe I wouldn't hurt the next person in my life like I did her. She is pissed, to say the least. I feel more anger from her than I did before she moved out! Even after she said she was leaving! I am a work in progress...but she doesn't care. You really think this is gonna take a lot more time. What about the things she said?
"Stop trying to make something happen, and just step back, let her go, give her the freedom she needs, and take this time to work on you." - I want so much to do this, but I'm afraid that now I'm gonna be getting served pretty soon! I really wish that we would have no contact at all, since that's what she wants, for a good while. The stuff that's been happening is that she is growing to hate me more and more! I'll have to fake the crap out of it! She knows me pretty well...surely she'd know that I was faking it! But I really don't want her to think that, now that I'm OK, she'll go ahead and get the divorce! I keep being told that she's gonna need so much more time than she's had so far (she moved out on Feb. 22nd) to work through her anger...but she hates me more and more as more time passes! I hope you are right about healing with time, for her, and seeing me differently.

I know, but it's hard to not think of it as a false hope, especially after hearing and feeling from her what I did last night. I certainly don't want to build it on 'false hope'! Well, should I carry it along (hope), or not?

**Hard for me to see anything other than darkness right now. What about a mindset? 'Let go of the rope'? 'Go dark'? or just accept that it's a done deal, and grieve, and try to move on?

I appreciate your time, effort, and input. All of you!