It's Complicated! Part 6

[Upside]

Hello glam-
Sorry to hear you are still having back issues.

It has to be heartbreaking for your H's parents that your H won't see them. It is all so hard to understand.

I am struggling with apathy...It sounds like you are at the same place. I guess it is better than the continual frustration but I still don't think it is a good place to be.

Hope your week gets better.

(((HUGS)))

[glamgirl]

Interesting, h called me late last night and early am today. That is very unusual. He then asked me to meet him for dinner. Just me and h.

Not sure what is going on with him. He said he was off his AD's for 2 weeks and then today, he said he started them up again. Not sure what is going on with him. He just said not being on them made him edgy, like grouchy. He said today, he can stand being around me again. Ha ha ha!

He called me babe on the phone, talking about me to past co-workers as if we are together and going strong. He said lets meet up tomorrow after work. Ok we will see what tomorrow brings.

It's been so nice to have mom and dad here. They are taking care of the kids really good, while I can take a break and also was able to meet up with just h for dinner. It's as if h wants to keep in touch as his family is here, but not see his family. In the past when his family came, he didn't stay in touch with me until they left.

[glamgirl]

LIfe is such a mess. I cant afford the childcare for D5, so instead of my h stepping up to the plate, I am sending D5 with h's parents for a month. D5 is excited and looking forward to it, but I am heart broken.

It just keeps ringing through my ears that getting up early and watching D5 would infringe on h's sleep. That is what h said to me. I am just so sad that, that is how he feels. He would rather sleep than take care of his own D5. I had to do what I could to survive and at the moment I didn't have many options.

I have to go to work and I need to have someone watch her and that is not going to happen for free. So now, I am going to start selling everything like crazy, put money in the bank and cut back all expenses, so I can get her back at the end of the month and get her back in daycare with or without the help of my h. I hate so much what he has done to his family. Can't he see it?

I expected him to be the breadwinner, I expected him to provide for his family, I expected him to do the right thing, I expected him to NOT be a coward, I expected him to be a MAN, I expected him to be a HUSBAND. I am so sad and broken. Nothing feels good or right.

I am in a job I can't stand, I am looking but the job market is tough right now, all h can say is stay there keep working. Why didn't he take that advice himself? He put me and the kids in another crappy situation, but again he doesn't see that for himself. All he can say is I will look for a job in about 30-60 days and that he needs a break. HE needs a break? What about me?

I am just sick and not sure how to get out of this mess. I am wondering where LIFE is taking me.

[Truelove]

Hi glamgirl,

I am sorry that things don't work out the way you would like them to. I know exactly how you feel. The MLC'ers me me me mentality also got to me.

I wish you a nice week-end despite the mess you feel you are in. (((HUGS)))

[naej]

Glam, I am sorry.This is a terrible blow for you.
You have been here before and you seem to make decisions but then you either change your mnd or your H does what you feel is a baby step (I personally hate that phrase)
I don't know when it changes or when your life begins but I do know as long as you choose to stay on his merrygo round this will be the continual pattern.
To have to send my d away for a month because of childcare issues and my so called husbands' inability to step up well that would be more than enough for me to say enough is enough but that is me and you are a very patience soul but I do have to wonder and I have said this before if you continue as you are what will change.
Standing is admirable but Glam are you actually standing or are you kneeling, doubled over with the weight and pain of the burden you are carrying?
Glam this isn't meant to sound harsh but I am really worried about you and your health and back problems etc.
Please take the month to really consider if you can find or make a better life.
((()))Has your H even said anything about how he could help you out or said he knows how hard you are working and he knows how much you will miss your d, or even that he will?

I say all this with the hope/risk that other posters will offer a completely different viewpoint but such is the beauty of this site.
Bottomline is it is your life your choice. Take care

[glamgirl]

Naej I am kneeling, doubled over with the weight and pain of the burden I am carrying. I don't see your words as harsh.

I was driving today and thinking how much of a burden my h has been the past few years. Instead of helping, he has been a burden. He should be helping and taking care of his family instead of weighing me down.

All of his time and energy is preoccupied with something else. He doesn't see it though. He has often said people think his priorities are out of wack, but he says not for him they aren't. I guess that sums it all up.

I have this weekend free. H's mom and dad are taking both kids to visit their other son who lives in a nearby state. This will give me some time to be free and reflect on what I have to do to take control of my own life, since really I am all alone.

[naej]

Oh Glam I am thankful you see my concern for you motivated my directness.
You have been so strong and carried on dispite your H and his antics for so long now.
You are a remarkable and resourceful woman and I have no doubt that you can and will find the right course of action for you and your family.
Your H can if he ever truly wants to, catch you up.
I am glad you have the week end for you,it was good of your inlaws to do this for you. It shows what high regard they hold you in and I am sure they are embarrassed by their sons behaviour if not a little confused.
Try to get some rest and me time.

[glamgirl]

That makes sense Naej about h's parents being embarrased and confused. I hadn't thought of it that way, but his dad did say today, he would like to talk to his son, but he is afraid that h is mad at him and so he says he just doesn't try to contact him. He says he doesn't know his son anymore.

H's mom doesn't even know anymore what she may have said to offend her son, but again nothing they can do if their son chooses not to have them in his life. It's sad anyway you look at it.

Now in trying to understand this, my h WAS close to his family. Talked to them monthly and on big holidays we got together, now nothing. They all had to go on with their lives and can hardly look back, when my h has been stuck all these years.

His mom and dad will not be around for the long haul, not in the best of health, but once again h's loss. H will have to go to his own grave being bitter to the end of life. That's a hard one for me, since I see life so differently.

Family is something to treasure, not push away, but it took myself many years to see that. I miss my own family and mom and dad. Never had the time with them that h is missing. Today, his mom and dad invited me and h to take a cruise with them and the kids, but that will never happen. H won't even take their calls at this point. I just thanked them for thinking of us.

I think having his family here saddens me. I was crying in front of his mom today, she just said Glam stop crying. Nobody seems to understand me. I lost my best friend, lover, soul mate, husband, father to the kids. I lost it all, but it doesn't mean I can't have a better life. It just means I am a bit lost for now.

Thanks for listening.

[brandnewday]

Glam,

I am so sorry that you are going through so much right now.

Unfortunately your Husband can not seem to be able to think about his actions and how they are affecting anyone else, especially those closest to him.

This is all part of the self entitlement and selfishness that the MLC'er is wrapped in. It's not a very pretty picture.

You also seem to have taken off the rose-colored glasses and are now seeing your Husband for who he really is right now.

He may not ever catch up to all of the growth you have made, and as you keep making huge strides forward in your life, he will still be lagging behind.

You will know in your heart when you have truly had enough.

Just like Popeye says....

That's all I can stands, and I can't stands no more!

[job]

Glam,
I wish that I could give you a huge, warm hug. You've really had a stressful spring. I'm very sorry about this mess and the fact that you have to send your little one along w/the grandparents. Glam, you did what you had to do. I'm sure that the grandparents will be good to the little one and enjoy the time that they w/both of the children.

We all expected out spouses to be our life long partners in every sense of the word. Unfortunately, we somehow found the ones that were "broken" a long time ago. Sometimes I sit and ponder the situations that we all have had to endure and somewhere deep inside a little voice keeps telling me that the situation these fragile people had as children was awful. However, God chose us to be there for them as they grew into adults, i.e., to show them that there is kindness and goodness in the world. I do think that the journey that they are on is to show them that life is fragile and can be taken away at the snap of a finger. We are being shown that we must have compassion for those who have fallen or incapable of rising above the embers. We have to rise above all of this and find a way to survive, to learn to be happy and content w/ourselves and not rely on others for this. Sometimes, God tears down what we have built in order to rebuild our relationships in a better and stronger way. Just my thoughts rambling along.

Glam, you have this weekend off. Take this time and pamper yourself. Take a drive or a walk, if you can. Then sit down and take a good look at your situation. If it is meant for you to move, you'll know it. Only you will know when you've had enough.

Sending you warm thoughts and hugs.