WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 8

[confusedinpa]

You're doing fine.

In your sitch, I don't think your W is pursuing. She's coping with the sitch by having you as a security blanket that she doesn't want to let go of to look at herself. Or at least that's my read. She didn't want to go to IC, she complains that she has "anger" towards you that she can't let go of, She gripes about how you were in the past and how much she had to deal with; AND YET, she calls you constantly and complains about you be "cold" when you have nothing to say.

It's all in her and there has to come a time where she's going to have to face that. However it's hard for her to do that when you're always around to be the person she can talk to, yet turn around and blame.

She's the one suffering from insecurity and low self-esteem which is why you have to remain strong. My W was the same way. It wasn't until after we were separated and she continued to get angry at me for no apparent reason that I put my foot down and told her that she was the cause of most of her problems not me, that she stopped and LISTENED.

Again, you're still early in this, so just take it patiently. Don't listen to your friends or therapist if you disagree. My T was surprised I actually got her to come back to the house because he thought her mind was made up and our M was dead. Only you can decide when to give up.

The confusion of continuing or not is going to be with you for a very long time. Just understand that that's the case and put it in a little corner of your mind.

What are your plans for the weekend?

Thanks for the encouragement Stuck.

I have the boys until Sun AM. Tonite we're going to go out to eat - I'll let them pick the resturant. I'm going to cook on Sat. It's suppose to be a rainy weekend so Sat we're going to finally put together the furniture that we picked up from a Ikea a couple of weekends ago (the Sat that my wife moved out). My boys like to "help" me assemble things. If it stops raining enough, the boys had wanted to go minature golfing. Hope we can do that.

On Sunday, after my wife picks up the boys, I'm going to church, then to the gym and hopefully meet up with one of my friends for some beers and wings in the afternoon. If it doesn't rain, I'll have to cut the grass.

So it's a pretty busy weekend.

My friend, who is the WAW, suggested that after 4 weeks, I should ask my wife about going out on a date. I should get some idea where my wife is at with her answer. I was surprised when she suggested that as she said that she spent the first 6-8 weeks getting her apartment setup so she didn't have time to think about anything until after that point. I'll just play it by ear.

Hope you have a good weekend too!