Stress, WAW and life in general III

[AJM]

New thread for those following. Thanks MB for letting me know it was locked.

To update:
Yesterday was MC session. In it, we talked mostly about the sep and the agreement. We came to an agreement. I mentioned that although this isn't what I wanted, I recognize she does. I also recognize that since I don't have a choice, I'm going to go with it. Attack from another direction [1] The MC was planting seeds. It was important to W that she have me acknowledge that I am part of getting us here. She said this is not where she wanted to be either. (hmm....)

I mentioned that I want to take this opportunity to review some things bouncing around in my head that I may have some resentment about. Not resentment per se, but some regrets or things that I may have settled on that I really haven't been ok with at some level. W immediately asked what those were. I said I was still thinking through some things and did not want to discuss, but that I plan to figure out what is really in there.

In the parking lot, we talked for about 20 minutes more. Calm. Easy conversation. I told her one of the things very important to me is that in my future relationships that I have somebody I feel comfortable sharing my hopes, my dreams, my fears, my happiness with. I think that is a very important thing to me. I said I hope that relationship is with you, but that's something I really missed. I explained myself for my Dec Jan comments where I mentioned I liked the openness even though I hated the hatred and blech that spewed from her mouth. I ended the conversation telling her that I was planning to review these things, but that I don't think we should put very much energy into figuring out the past and instead put it into the future.

Last night after the kids went to bed, we talked for about 1.5 hours. We spoke of mostly anything that didn't have to do with her school. Or really that was focused on her. She's listening and learning. But I really do require more active listening. She has a long way to go. But I noticed.

Today she is trying to get the apt squared away. They decided to let her know that she needs 32k in the bank in her name to get an apt. She was pissed. The bank won't give her checks until she has an address, and she can't pay the apt to get the address until she has checks. I'm amused to some degree, but she hasn't wanted to ask for help. She finally got to a point with the bank where I asked if she wanted a workaround. She did so I did suggest a different workaround that she can handle. Sheesh. She's going to be a doctor and can't think outside the box.

Anyway, that's where we're at. She did bring up last night that she may have some regrets (insisted on not calling them that) about getting married young. MLC? Hmm.... I don't think so. She also mentioned that she doesn't really enjoy going out a lot but was going out with friends to draw strength from them. She said she enjoys staying at home seeing a movie or watching a hockey game. She also has been after me to talk about the family vacation in July and wants to make Monday family dinner nights steak night. Go figure. Lots of conflict.

Maybe she just needs to get away. Maybe she's nutz. Maybe, but I think some of it is that she wants to focus just on school and is coming up with reasons for leaving in the meantime. Sure feels that way as she comes up with various reasons for leaving that keeps changing.

I'll post more later. I'm looking forward to her moving out actually. Surprised to hear myself say that. I think I need the break. I'm not looking forward to the way the kids will react when we tell them we're reorganizing the family, but we are truly still working on the marriage. Might work out. One never knows. I went downtown to apply for my pistol purchase permits. I've put off my love of shooting because guns in the house bothered her. Since she is not there, I'm revisiting that decision and going to shoot competitively I think. Maybe get the kids into it.

Catch you guys later.

AJ