It's Complicated! Part 6

[glamgirl]

LIfe is such a mess. I cant afford the childcare for D5, so instead of my h stepping up to the plate, I am sending D5 with h's parents for a month. D5 is excited and looking forward to it, but I am heart broken.

It just keeps ringing through my ears that getting up early and watching D5 would infringe on h's sleep. That is what h said to me. I am just so sad that, that is how he feels. He would rather sleep than take care of his own D5. I had to do what I could to survive and at the moment I didn't have many options.

I have to go to work and I need to have someone watch her and that is not going to happen for free. So now, I am going to start selling everything like crazy, put money in the bank and cut back all expenses, so I can get her back at the end of the month and get her back in daycare with or without the help of my h. I hate so much what he has done to his family. Can't he see it?

I expected him to be the breadwinner, I expected him to provide for his family, I expected him to do the right thing, I expected him to NOT be a coward, I expected him to be a MAN, I expected him to be a HUSBAND. I am so sad and broken. Nothing feels good or right.

I am in a job I can't stand, I am looking but the job market is tough right now, all h can say is stay there keep working. Why didn't he take that advice himself? He put me and the kids in another crappy situation, but again he doesn't see that for himself. All he can say is I will look for a job in about 30-60 days and that he needs a break. HE needs a break? What about me?

I am just sick and not sure how to get out of this mess. I am wondering where LIFE is taking me.