Newly separated...spouse left, 3rd thread

[antlers]

Think of it this way:

"She says it's over" - your old marriage is dead

"we have no future together" - the old you and old her are never to be together again because they are gone

"she's not coming back" - to your old relationship and old marriage

"she wants nothing to do with me" - she doesn't want anything to do with the you she's known for all these years, but she doesn't even know the new you you're going to become, so how can she know if she wants anything to do with him

"she hates me for treating her the way I did" - the old you treated her badly, she hasn't yet experienced how the new you will treat her

This is going to be a long process. The gift she has given you is freedom and time. Freedom to work on you, and time to really make it stick. If you have seen how you need to fix things in yourself, then take this opportunity to fix them. You'll feel better about yourself as you see and feel yourself changing into a better person. Just do it for you, not her. She may eventually decide she likes this new person and wants to get to know him.

The divorce process is slow. Try not to react even if she does file. She made her escape and she wants to make sure she never goes back to that place that left her so unhappy. Don't make her think you're trying to get her back to that place, or else she'll run away even faster. Make it clear she has her freedom, and you won't do anything to try to re-capture her. If you do end up back together, it has be from a place of complete free choice on her part (and yours), not because you're hurting, or lonely, or she feels obligated in some way.

Even if you do get a divorce, remember that 1 out of 6 people that divorce and eventually re-marry actually re-marry the person they divorced, so don't even think of divorce as some final door slamming shut and being forever locked.

Incidentally futureunknown...she told me last night that she dislikes the 'new me' even more than she disliked the 'old me'!
What's your take on that?