The thing is, I want my kids to have their innocence/faith/hope as long as possible. Even though mine has gotten me into trouble with unfulfilled dreams, I am glad I am so faithful/hopeful compared to the alternative.
I want my kids to believe that the characters at Disney World are REAL (and they do)...same with Santa, Easter Bunny, etc etc. I want them to hold on to that as long as they can b/c once its gone, its gone.
One thing I still hate most about our M situation is it has forced me to lose my innocence. I genuinely thought we were 'forever', and only us for each other...the first time I found out H had cheated on me, that is what devastated me, that we could never un-ring the bell, we could never again say we were the only ones for each other. (We were both virgins when we started dating, and waited 2 1/2 yrs...)
So to watch my son and daughter lose their belief that mommies and daddies stay together forever, is the most awful part. That is what will harden my heart toward Dan...I don't think he realizes that. He thinks I will always be here b/c I always have been here, but once I see that scarring on my kids' hearts, I think the door will be locked...
I am doing just fine! My mom sent me a May basket at school today, a boquet of purple daisies. Very pretty. And Sydney took brownies to school for her birthday...we are going to Red Robin tonight, a fancier burger-chain. I plan to enjoy it, I am starting a new diet/food program any day now. I ordered it online Monday and it should arrive this weekend...
Kids are good, I am good, Dan is miserable, but that is his boat to float not mine...Song and dance about living at his f-ing parents house, bad migraine, sick as a dog, yada yada. Just smile and wave....
It is Medifast. And it isn't cheap but it provides everything except your evening meal (lean protein and vegetables). I am using part of my tax return for it, the part I have left over after paying for Disney. (H makes a lot of $$ and they withhold a lot, and I got half...)
I ordered a 4-week supply and you can lose between 10-20 lbs in that time period if you follow it...I figure I will do it for 4 weeks, if I feel it is working I will do it for 4 more and be done with it. I did 16 weeks on Slim 4 Life 2 years ago and lost 28 pounds, but they don't have one here (I did it in K.C.).
It worked 2 yrs ago but then I started working this fall and started eating crap all the time and not exercising...gained 15 pounds from August until now So I am hoping to lose 20 but this time I am also exercising a lot more and adding some weight training. Will make better choices in order to keep it off longer than two years this time. Funny I lost 8 pounds after the bomb but have put on 15 while in limbo....
I am sure Sydney will love going to dinner tonight, she is so sweet. I will try to post some pics on FB this weekend...
So I am hoping to lose 20 but this time I am also exercising a lot more and adding some weight training. Will make better choices in order to keep it off longer than two years this time. 
Funny I lost 8 pounds after the bomb but have put on 15 while in limbo....