Naej.. no I dont work, I have been at college full-time since October, why do you ask?
Kalni - yes I think you are right! I dont think he was ready to hear it before (it wouldnt have mattered if I had said it or not) but we are nearing the end now, so yes, I will say it I think if I get chance. Wow though, I DID say May didnt I!! I really should start charging
MsM...Yes I wonder those things too, he is not a coper, so what would happen in the future?? Its too hypothetical though, I cant go there either. I think he has a tonne of guilt, its for him to deal with, but also, from my own EA, I know I needed eventually to get it out, talk it through and have him understand and no longer have doubts and not to trust me. So, I am expecting that to hit sometime!
Kat.. spot on! Me and my ex have our Sun and Moon exact conjunct in Leo.. his Dad died and he then got depressed, I was getting sick and our beloved cat was dying too and he couldnt cope ! At the time, I was having Saturn transiting direct my Moon and he was therefore having Saturn over his Sun (in 2007) and that traditionally causes depression and yes.. it was a very HARD Saturnian time for us and he ran. I still dont think Helen was the reason, she was just a symptom. Its annoying though, as being with her created a tonne more problems, guilt and things we have to now work through, so I wish he hadnt been so weak.
I always said he was an MLC poster boy, a texbook case. So Cher emailed me today and yes, seems he is now in one of the latter stages of MLC (5?), the one where they face the reality of all the hurt they have caused.. he told G last night, he feels so guilty towards me, for how he has treated me!
Well, hallelulah. So just that and then stage 6 to go I reckon and we'll be done!
It seems that he might be facing up to some of what he has done. You know it's going to take a lot of time and patience to get through this but you seem to have that in abundance! Good for you.
No expections though, right?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Mmmmm--just remember that the final part of Stage 6, Acceptance, is a settling-in period of 18 months or so!
It also coincides with Piecing, the stage where the LBS gets her spouse back, and suddenly discovers that she's being tested on every change she made, that everything she pushed aside to focus on the goal of "winning him back" is flooding unbidden into her mind.... Some days, the relationship seems great, better than ever, and other days he goes alien again, or everything he says is a reminder of the most painful time in your life and somehow you've lost all the certainty you had when you were an LBS and you're wondering if you're going to end up in a depression....
The sad thing is, your ex's journey could be speeded up (and perhaps his depression could even be permanently alleviated) if he got good counselling. Can none of his concerned friends persuade him to get it?
Hi Ali, no deep reason for asking, I just thought you would have been posting more! sorry very shallow. I knew you were at college but thought you had some mentoring work plus waitressing jobs.
As for the stages have you read Snodderlys thread on them she is the guru! from what I recall they can and usually do go in and out of the last stages, revisiting them etc until..... finally it's over yehhhhhhhh. So maybe a bit of deep digging for patience and then some, but I am sure you will have it. Hey it's MAY!!!
Hey girls.. yes, patience! I definetly have that, noone could accuse me of not having it now who knows me !! Question is, is he worth it???? Ahh.. I think so, yes, but time will tell hey!
So.. hi Cyrena! Funny you should say that about the 18 months, I didnt know that was an average, just that intuitively I felt it would take that long to 'mend' things. I did post here about this Venus-Pluto pattern he is in (classic cause of MLC/A type sitches) and said that rumbles for him until early 2011.. plus, although he said he could see us living back home in our house again (yay!!! I love that house, beautiful Victorian red brick, bare floorboards, open fires!) but I wanted to stay in Cornwall a bit longer, certainly this summer and then maybe another year to make the most of it and with a vague plan to move back home the following winter, so late 2010. I reckon we will be back on track by then. So.. yep, I am prepared for it to take time! We can live here and enjoy the seaside and coastal paths and bike trails and hopefully live together again.
I will have to check out Snodderleys posts then (got a link to them?). But.. I feel like we will be ok, eventually, but then, that always was my belief, although, he hasnt SAID he wants back yet.
He texted me earlier, to say he arrived in our hometown safe and some stuff about the ipod he lent me and then signed his text message with our little special name again....'me'. YAY!
By the way, I think the relevant posts are not by Snodderly, but by Heart's Blessing. As well as describing each stage she had a timeline that, in my H's case at least, was dead on.
I continue to feel that your ex has a very good chance of coming back to you (even if he isn't sure about that yet). However, unless he faces the reasons for his depression and self-loathing (and therefore the reasons he felt the need to run from your relationship), it's going to be impossible to build anything better than you had before, or to guarantee that it will last. How do the stars look for a continued future with him, btw?
YAY YAY YAY!!!! I'm so pleased for you and for BF with all the progress he's made in getting through the MLC so far. Fantastic news nd I have a smile on my face reading your thread. Brilliant!! And well done you!! I'm rooting for things to continue on the upward trajectory.
I cant help but think that a lot of his strange behavior was amplified by his drinking heavily. Dont over analyze him based upon one night out. Wait to see what it is like talking with him in person when he is sober. I can predict he wont be wrapping his arms around you for long periods like a clinging/needy man when he does not have drink in him.
Could it be that he wants to make sure he can return to you before he cuts his ties with Helen? I think it best to have some time on his own between and R with Helen and you.
