Sorry you find yourself here...its a horrible place to have to come to, but at least you will find good company with some real good advice.
You said you "caught" the affair early on and you don't believe it was going on that long. IMO, you don't know just everything yet. If this has just now come out, there is still a lot you don't know.
Please do all the reading you can about affairs and how they are similar to addiction. An addict cannot really explain to you what was so bad about their lives that they threw it all away for drugs/gambling/alcohol/whatever. Addicts do not really have a "reason" for why this happens. This is not to say that your W doesn't have her reasons for getting into an affair and some of those reasons were part of your marriage issues....but what I am meaning is that you are asking someone who is in the withdrawal stages of their "drug" (if the affair is in fact stopped now) to tell you how they could choose their drug over you. An addict cannot answer this question until they are clean again.
I feel you have every right to question whether your kids are yours or not...but not right now. Those talks will come along soon.
Who was her OM? (other man)
How did they meet?
If they work together, do they still work together?
How long did it go on and what details has she told you so far?
How did you find out, did she confess or did you stumble on something?
The answers to these questions will help us help you.
