She is still very reluctant to accept that R skills are something that everyone has to learn. She seems to want to think that it is genetic - you either have R skills built in or you don't.
Fixed Mindset vs Growth Mindset - google Carol Dweck "Growth Mindset. We all have to work to improve ourselves.
I looked it up. I think I have always had the "growth" mindset. I just normally applied it to my career and work skills (management, languages, technical skills, etc) and to my physical skills (new sports, instruments, etc). These past months were the first time I started applying it to my R skills...
...but then that is not so surprising, since these past months are have really been the first time that I paid any attention to my R skills at all.
At the risk of falling into the "everything would be better if only she would change" trap, it has been my W who seems to believe that she knows everything about R's, has innate R skills, etc. She really avoids any R books like the plague. This was also true well pre-bomb. Whenever I showed interest in them, she critized me, privately and in MC sessions, saying "He needs to read books to learn how to be in a R". It is as if she believes she is perfect in her approach to and understanding of R's (and therefore, if the R is not working, it it must not be viable???)
"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink"
I am not going to be able to ever convince her that this core belief of hers is correct, and that maybe she does have to learn and change her approach to R's. She'll have to come to that herself.
Until then, I still have a ton of work to do myself.
Last edited by Thinker; 05/01/0904:56 PM.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
