I thought i was a 180 cause normally what i would have done is just gone to get the dogs from the pound regardless without asking her anything. So i thought i was doing the opposite by asking her what she wanted to do about them. I may not be completly clear about these 180s.
Stayed home with D3 she wasnt feeling good and neither was i got some good time in with her.
W sent the usual goodmorning text i returned it
Talk to some friends today one of which was mentioned in a prior post (about her needing help cause her husband was acting crazy). Well she started telling me why she was leaving him and i told her why W said she was leaving me. Well... this is were things get a little rocky.
W text me with:
W: So im leaving "cuz u dont clean the house" huh?????
M: "I'm sorry?"
W: "U talked to (friend) today and said that im leaving cuz u dont clean the house"
ok... thats not what was said at all. that was only said when i was explaining things my wife was fed up about.
Anyways i did not respond to her text im not going to try and defend myself there is no point. i could get on the phone and tell her that it wasnt said like that but it wouldnt matter she would just take it negative so i didnt respond.
Well called W cause D3 wanted to tell her about an "owie" she got yesterday. They talked for a min then i got on the phone told D3 to hurry up and get her shoes on cause we were going to the dog park... W said "your going to the dog park?" (it was great she said it like what do you mean your going to the dog park?) Told her ya we were going to take the dog there. She ask me if i managed to find the dogs that i decided to get rid of a home yet, I told her no. Then she got mad "well why not" blah blah blah i just listened then told her i already made arrangements with the pound to kennel the dogs there until i can find them a home.(all of a sudden she is concerned with the dogs she has turned them over to the pound before while i was out of town on business, and has expressed several times that we should just turn them over to the pound) She didnt say anything else so i told her i had to go cause we were leaving for the dog park she said ok and i hung up. (had a positive tone the whole time we talked)
So... seemed like W was just trying to pick a fight with me. I felt really good about it though cause i didnt fall into her trap lol. Normally i would have argued back and defended myself till the end but i said nothing to keep the fight going and i had a positive tone the entire time (HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT for me).
I have also felt pretty good today and i explained to mother (she is trying to be so involved in this, She has good intentions) that I'm getting to a point that i dont care what W does, I want her to come back and I want her to come back bad, but that I was going to live my life and if she doesnt come back oh well there is nothing i can do about it. And that if she does come back i would not do this again we will go to counseling and get our issues worked out.(second time W has put me through something like this, First time was nothing like this though) I felt pretty positive to say that and could say it without that gut wrenching feeling in my stomach. So i felt pretty positive. I hope tomorrow is the same as it was today. I still had my moments but no where near what its been the last couple of days.
Mother thinks W is starting to second guess herself a little thats why she was trying to pick a fight with me today. Hope thats true.
Will not be talking to that friend again about my situation. We were having a casual conversation and she immediatly turned around and said something to the W giving her ammo to try and start a fight. Will not make that mistake again.
Yeah, just come here to speak about everything, the only people I told were my parents, because I knew they would not say anything to anybody, to this day the only people that know is my lawyer, her friend, and my parents, noone in this town even knew we were in trouble. It is much easier like this because noone takes a side, and they will.
Good job on the call, as far as confusion on the 180's, they are suggestions of being different to improve yourself, women like assertive strong men, so a 180 to a weak and one seeking approval would not be a good 180. Do you get what I am saying, also a 180 for the sake of being a 180 is not a good thing, see what works and stick with it, and drop the 180's that do not.
DBing is more art than science. There is no "one-size fits all" approach. Like dburt says: pick what works for you, and make the rest up as you go along. If it works, great! If not, do something else.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
I get what your saying now burt will def. apply it.
Got the normal goodmorning text today except it was at 0530 (know that this is what time W wakes up) this morning i recieved it as opposed to the normal 0630-0730 when she gets to work and is just sitting around. Will take this as a good thing but will not get overly excited about it as it might just be a fluke. Im just looking for positives.
Felt pretty bad this morning at first, but finding it alot easier to deal with my co-workers today and starting to feel a little bit better about being here. Decided im even going to have a BBQ sat. and make my FAMOUS ribs lol.
Need to talk to BIL and make sure they dont say anything to W about me talking to them dont want another incident like yesterday. They can speak thier own minds if they feel to do so. Even though we are good friends and i would normally talk to them if i needed to about anything else, i dont think wife would take it that way with this situation after yesterday.
No she won't take it well at all, it would be good for them to see you as moving on, looking good, really having a good time, and have that get back to her, because it will.
Ya i agree i think i will call them today, it my nieces Bday. W is suppose to drive over there after work (4hr trip). I will call them wish her a happy Bday and talk to BIL about not saying anything im sure he wont and he wants us to save our M as much as i do. But will tell him that i am good and will be good. He sent me a text at 0130 this morning saying "hope u are feeling better 2morrows a brighter day keep ur head up". (he works night shift). and hes right today is better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better than today.
sauce!?!?, sorry gotta remember we are from all parts of the nation...
Enjoy yourself this weekend, and make sure you do something for yourself. Quit thinking about everything, just have a good time in life, this will get her back sooner than later.
Okay so while trying to finish my D3 playground i did alot of thinking. You know ive done alot wrong in this R and i wish i could go back with what i know now and change the things that i'm changing now for myself and my D. But the more i think it about the more confident i am that me and my D are going to be ok. I love my W and I love my family i never wanted this for my D and above all she means everything to me. I will not be like my father and through this last week i think that might have been part of my fear.
I believe if my W does leave that my D is better off staying here. I'm not leaving, I'm not the one giving up. and like others have said she shouldnt have her cake and eat it to. Dont get me wrong I am not saying this out of anger for current personal R with my wife. I would never keep either one from seeing eachother, nor would i ever put a bad thought about my W in my D head regardless of how i feel about her when all this is over. (i wont have hard feelings toward W and I will always love her regardless how this post sounds) I know my D doesnt want this no child does and she is too young to be able to defend herself and have a point of view on this. So as her father it is my responsibilty to protect her when she cant, to defend her because she is unable to. I dont think its fair to D to bounce from one home to another, to be taken for half the time to there and half the time here. Thats trying to be fair to myself and my W rather than whats best for her.
Several people have said that our D would be better off with me including her own family. I wont be mean about this because like i said this isnt out of anger for whats happening between me and my W, Its about my beautiful D and she deserves the best chance for happiness. (Not sure how or when i should tell the wife i feel like this, she will not be happy at all about it)
I'm not giving up I will continue to do the best i can to get my family back together and for all of us to be happy as a family, but about this situation i must prepare for what will need to be done for my D sake, if W decides that this is it.
Inputs?
On a better note though i signed up for the coaching sessions YAY! hopefully they can help me develop a better plan of attack and help me make some better goals for myself.
I'm having a better day though less concerned with whats going on with my W and concentrating more on me and my D. will post my "journal" entry later.
