saving your thread. then I will have to read up too.
oh darn, I wanna hear your convo from the "mom will be home in 20 minutes" phone call.
hope it was good.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Sorry I have not posted yet. I have just gotten back in the house for the first time since noon and am on my way back out in about 10 minutes. I will post tonight.
Smooches!
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Right after I posted back to Sandy yesterday, the phone rings. I check the caller ID and sure enough it is DH. I almost did not answer, as I had an appointment with my pastor to talk about healthy boundaries and what has been going on. But, I figured just answering the phone could not hurt.
Me: Hello? DH: Hey! I was wanting to know if I could drop by and pick up some stuff I need for work. Me: Well, I am going to be running out in a little bit. DH: Oh. Ok. UUUHHHMM What about tomorrow afternoon? Me: I have stuff to do for cuz’s wedding shower and the kids and I have plans for tomorrow evening, we will be leaving around 6-6:30. DH: Is there any way I can drop by, I might have a watch and need my whites on Saturday? I am not too far from the house. Me: I suppose it is not a problem, but I do not have lot of time, I have somewhere to be. DH: Okay, I should be there in about five minutes. Me: K see you then. Bye.
I told my niece's BF to please take the boys upstairs so we could feed them some lunch. I had horrible butterflies in my stomach and I could not think. I walked in my room and started straightening out the throw pillows on the bed. NBF follows me and is chatting away when I looked at her and said "NBF, please can you be quiet for 30 seconds?" She said, "is everything okay?" I said "I am praying for God to give me the wisdom to say the right things and to not pick up one of those bricks in the front head and hit DH in the head with it." She immediately got quiet and walked out to get the boys at the table.
I walked out a few seconds behind her, just as DH opened the front door. I did not want S3 to know he was there, so I walked down the stairs and met him on the landing. I told him that I had all of his stuff gathered up already and pulled his uniform out of the closet. After I handed it to DH, he started walking into D9's room. I said there isn't anything in there, I have put it all in a box in the garage. DH said, but I had stuff in the closet. I said I know, your shoes and belt, they are in the box. He just looked at me and said oh, then followed me into the garage where I handed him the box.
As we walked back into the house, I asked if he had given any thought to D5's birthday present. He said no, has she asked for anything. I said, yes, but I cannot give her what she wants. He asked what was it, he has some money saved. I just shook my head and said, DH the only thing she has asked for is for Daddy to move back home. He got really quiet for a minute. Then said, what kind of a marriage would we have? It would not be a normal marriage. I said DH, we would have whatever kind of marriage we decided to have.
I asked him where he saw this relationship in six months a year? Did he plan to continue to live with his B and SIL? He said I don't know. I said what do you plan to do about all of this? He said he didn't know, that the money was an issue. I said I hope you have 20-30K you don't know what to do with, because I will fight you right to the end, that I did not consider our marriage unsalvageable. I said whether you believe me or not, I have forgiven you. I can only pray that someday you will forgive me for the things that I did wrong in our marriage. Every morning, when I wake up and pray, I ask God to help me to continue to forgive you because I do not want to live my life with anger and bitterness.
I asked him where he saw this relationship in six months a year? Did he plan to continue to live with his B and SIL? He said I son't know. I said what do you plan to do about all of this
I said, you never gave this family a chance. You need to be honest. When you came back from Michigan last year, you had no intentions of working on this marriage, no matter what you said to me. At least be honest about that. He said, no you are right I didn't. I said, as a matter of fact, I think you had made that decision long before you left Michigan. You made that decision when you started spending too much time talking with another woman, talking about personal things you would not share with me. You made that decision when you started spending time talking on the phone with her outside of work. You made that decision when you started hanging out at her house as friends and blatantly lied to me about it. DH said no I didn't. I said DH, maybe you did not make a conscious decision, but it was a decision nonetheless. I said someday, your children will know that you had 12 days of leave, you gave them 2 and a half of those days and them you chose to spend the rest of you time home with another woman and HER children, not your own kids. I hope you can live with the consequences of that decision.
Before he could answer, NBF came downstairs. She walked up to DH and gave him a hug, told him she was glad to see him. I asked her if she could give us a few minutes. She said absolutely and headed back upstairs. Dh then asked if he could go put his stuff in the car and come back in and talk. I told him I would walk outside, as I did not want S3 to overhear anything.
I will break this into a couple of posts.
Living God’s blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
PS some of the stuff in the conversation may not be in the right order, but they are pretty close.
Oh, and all of this was said in a calm, even tone. No yelling, no screaming, no threatening, no crying--although my eyes did fill up when we were outside talking.
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I know I am leaving you hanging on this, but I am so tired1 I was up until after two this morning, have been on the go all day today, and I need to get up early to try to cut the grass, then build finger sandwiches for my cousin's shower that I am hosting tomorrow night. I will try to post the rest in the morning.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
OMG...I can't wait to hear the rest.....but, you let your strength shine. And he has to see it! Your love for this man is SO deep....that you could say what you had to say yet make it clear that you have forgiven him. He's got a lot to think about! Praise God for the woman you have become! Get a good night's rest!
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
