Living in the same house/sep. beds and trying LRT

[AJM]

For starters, stop panicking. That will drive him away and make you crazy.

For the OW: Nope. Don't ask. Not a word. Not a peep. Let it go and deal with it later if there is a later.
For your anniversary: get him a card or something, but keep it personal yet not overly gushy. Don't be the one that didn't get him something.

Do not keep asking him about the relationship. Until you know otherwise, assume that it is getting better. He is noticing, but he'll try everything he can to not let you see that he notices. Expect that.

You'll need to start building trust. This is awkward because he destroyed the trust, yet you are going to be the one to build it. You need to be friends with your H. That's where you start.

AJ

[coley]

Thanks AJ,
Yes, it's 1:30 am and just got done talking with H. I feel like I'm having an out of body experience...Everything's been going smooth-I haven't brought up the OW, I haven't even brought up our R. But I was just casually watchin "The Office" tonight and H asked me to turn it off, he needs to talk. So, 3 hours later, here's the scoop: He says he's leaning more towards the divorce now (this is THREE WEEKS of me being an angel to him!). We go back and forth over who made who unhappy and why we should work on it. He doesn't love me anymore. Not ILYJNILWY.....NO! He just doesn't love me at all!!! So, my instincts kick in and I know there's something going on with this EA. So, of course I ask about it (can you blame me). Turns out he has met her and says he has feelings for her that he can't see having for me.I asked if he's slept with her and he says he has thought about it... This is after ONE month!! We've been together almost 12 years-since I was 17 years old!! Anyway, we decided to really live seperate now. He's moving his stuff to the basement and we're splitting our time with D2. Which just kills me becuase she loves when we're both around Oh, god I'm just a ball of tears tongight. I'm so mad at him for doing this, but I would still stay married to him. Please help!!!!!!!

[AJM]

I'm sorry coley. I truly am.

I do suggest that you consider setting some boundaries. I.e. as long as you are in the same house and as long as you are actually married, that you both commit to not have sex or dates with other people. I don't think that would work for you if he was having sex with some OW. It wouldn't work for him either and your integrity would be lost. Don't do it.

I'm truly sorry coley. I wish I could help you out as the friend you need. Keep posting. Get it out.

AJ