My Sailor is Back-but not Home

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

{{{sis}}}

What to say....?

Sounds as though someone was on a 7 month vacation from reality and responsibility and hit the pier thinkin he was still at sea.

I think you are probably dead on in that assumption.

Maybe Mrs. Bobbit didn't have a bad idea at the time, oh wait sorry that was rude.

Rude or not, that right there was funny!!!

The kids pretty much have DH figured out D17 for sure, that's good and bad. Good they see thru his lies, bad for the walls that are building higher towards shutting him out, and the hurt of missing him for so long to be shot down in wanting 'their' time. My hugs and prayers go out to them.

I think he has burned every bridge with D17. Leaving the kids like this infuriated her and she is not willing to give him the benefit of the doubt after all of this. As for the other kids, they are struggling. D5 and S3 are too little to get the full implication, but D9 is brilliant and while she may not say alot about how she feels, she is an observer. I really think she knows way more than she is letting on. That has got to be an awesome burden for a child to bear. However, I do not think it is a good idea to push her on things. I do not want to put an idea in her head that may not be there.

So now as FG would say it's time to 'do work'. Time to lay down boundaries when he gets back. He needs to know that you will not accept this behavior and it is not tolerated if you chose to let him stay, doesn't sound like the BIL/SIL's house will be any different.

I agree. The challenge I am having is in determining what are the right boundaries to set right now. I did pack up all the stuff he left here when he came back from deployment. It is in a box in the garage and his uniform is hanging in the closet. I am kicking myself for not driving it out to the airport and putting it in his car. Ah well, hindsight is 20/20. I agree, too, that things will not be easy on him at BIL's, either. Everyone is angry at him.

No you can't control him, but you sure can control yourself and what happens around the kids. Remember there is nothing wrong with anger as long as it is constructive to hold it in can be dangerous, builds up to a point where it will burst like a balloon. You have every right to be honest and upfront.

That is what I am trying to do--control what i an and let God deal with the things I can't. With His strength, I can and will get through this right now. I was angry for the kids last week and Tuesday I was an emotional mess for a large portion of the afternoon. God and I had a long talk and He kicked me in the pants for losing faith in Him and not allowing Him to take care of things. I am not holding anything in--I will not live with bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness in my life. All it does is hurt me and my relationship with the Lord.

Remember what you have turned into and who you did it for, this is the strength to draw from. You also have a wide support group use it and learn from it. You know what's right and how to accomplish it use the tools to stay your path. Now as hard as it will be remember family means well but stay true to yourself and your convictions on the course you have chosen...

That is where I am. I want to set appropriate boundaries that do not create feelings of alienation but clearly define what will and will not be tolerated, especially in regards to the kids. I am a tree that will bend in the wind, but is strong enough to survive the storm. I am okay.

Peace be in you & your families hearts...

Bro

Bro--

Thanks for the words of wisdom and the continued prayers and hugs. I am hoping that things are going well for you and yours. I know that your mental deadline is coming up soon. Trust in the Lord to light your path.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
Sis

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Hi Sis

just wanted to let you know your family is in my prayers.

you surely are a beacon in the fog.


Glory in Him.


Ted

He Ted! How is your DW doing??

I am just trying to continue on the path the Lord is laying in front of me. He gets the Glory in all things, as all things come through Him into my life.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~

SMW

[sandycay]

Hey Girly,


Thinking and praying for you.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Thanks Sandy!

Well, I do not know where DH is. If he is back in Va, he is still not interested in contacting me about seeing the kids or picking up his stuff from the house. Whatever. D9 has counseling tonight and D17 will NOT let him in the house if he shows up. Tomorrow night we have plans, too. As it stands right now, he may see the kids on Sunday when we have D5's birthday party. Who knows. I am going shopping tomorrow for her gift from me. If he is interested in going in on it, then he needs to speak up and tell me. Oh wait, that would mean he would have to call.

D9 did ask when he was coming back last night. I told her I did not know--all I know is he has to be at work on Friday. She said okay and left the room looking like someone had taken away her favorite toy. Oh wait, someone did! Her dad took himself out of her life. SIGH

I need to go clean something, anything. I will check in tonight.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[BeginningAgain]

I'm so sorry ((((SMW)))). It is so unbelievable that a father could be so irresponsible, unthoughtful, inconsiderate, and down right emotionally neglectful of his children. I feel so badly for your kids and you as well. Stay strong because if there was ever a time where these kids need at least one strong parent it is now. Continuing to pray for all of you.

S4H

[sandycay]

Yea, avoidance is clearly the mantra of someone who knows they are doing wrong.

Can you imagine how awkward he is going to feel to call you. I am sure he senses the changes in you and clearly doens't know how to react to that. I think you have successfully given him a WTH feeling. Which is a good thang! Keep it going.

I can only imagine the chit he is going to enter back into.. oh yea, that's the real world... between work and BIL. He really sc*wed the pooch on this one.

Peace be with you.

[mindfull]

SMW - No words of wisdom, no anecdotes, no advice...

Just thinking of you!

[Babygirl]

hey sis, talked to crissy. please kno i am so proud of you, and i am amazed at the strength you have. for yourself, for your babies.
so many thoughts and prayers. god hasnt given up on us yet, and HE see's the work we do wehen we do work.

love you

[Babygirl]

ps listen to the message on your cell phone. i so love you sis.

[sgctxok]

I want to set appropriate boundaries that do not create feelings of alienation but clearly define what will and will not be tolerated, especially in regards to the kids. I am a tree that will bend in the wind, but is strong enough to survive the storm.

I love this. Praying for the grace and wisdom for your mind and heart.

peace,
sg