I don't much post here myself anymore either...too painful for me too. But, I do want to chime in about a couple of comments.
FIB, I don't know you and probably can only think of a handful of times, I read you or even if you ever posted to me, but...
"DB kept my sanity thru the worst parts of this but also kept me from filing when I should have."
See, this is what scares me. I ask myself, when I read something like this, am I holding off something too, that is inevitable? Am I holding something up that he wants only because of fear? Is my own fear holding me back? I hate these questions because I don't know the answers. I feel pretty confident about my position, but, at times, I just don't know. Everything he does, everthing he says, everything he seems to be saying or doing is just so confusing and contradictory to what I believe. It's hard. And just when I think about the possibility of truly giving up, someone or something pops out to change my mind again. He does something, or inadvertantly gives me a sign. These signs are often not even visible to the naked eye. For lack of a better explanation, they are only visible to the wife who knows and loves him.
"I don't regret that per se, just some of my behavior that enabled her...and not drawing boundaries earlier (like that would have stopped her anyway)."
Well, I did one thing right. I drew my boundaries very, very early in all of this, and that has helped me keep (or rather, I should say - recover) my sanity. I can thank DB and the people on these boards for that. Actually, in two more weeks, it'll be a year that we've been separated. I find that hard to believe too, but I'm still here. And I haven't fallen apart yet.
Bworl, Here's one for you, m'friend!
"But it comes with a danger as well. I think it's just a case of each of us needing to be strong enough to hear all the voices speaking to us here, but still able to make in informed decision based upon what we KNOW is happening."
I always seem to walk in danger. At least that's been my life story, until I met my H. I am finding/learning now though, that a man with as many secrets as he had/has, is not a man to marry. I can still love him, but I cannot respect him at this juncture. So, I'm in a quandry about what to do. The best I can judge, it's important for me to keep going on and saving as much as I can for the big D. If he doesn't change his mind and his ways, I'll have no choice. But, I will have my integrity, and that, I believe is what really counts.
You will always be one of my DB heroes. So, please don't blush cause it's true.
