Oh My! I saw a picture of my xh today and he looks AWFUL! I am not trying to be mean. He doesnt even look like the man I married. He has lost so much weight and his skin is sooooo brown from the tanning bed and he looks tired to me. Doesnt EVEN look the same. I dont even know who he is. Plus my son told me last night that his dad wasnt taking him fishing this Friday like planned. This time last year that is all my xh and son did was fish with their friends. My xh LOVED fishing better than anything. Now its like he isnt interested. He has almost given up the one things he loved most. He is putting all his energy into this woman. What happened to the man I once knew? The man that loved his family and loved to fish and enjoy life? I truly seen today and I truly feel he is in MLC, he is trying to be soooo young and start his life over again. He guys just had to see that picture. I could of course be reading to much into it, it was JUST a picture. Other than feeling sad for him, It didnt bother me to look at them together. I am happy to report that I am OK. REALLY! Looking at that made me realize that IS NOT my h, that was a stranger, my h NO LONGER exists. KWIM?
Renee, sweetheart, we are telling you to stop looking, even though we looked when other told us not too, just like we tell you, the difference is...we did stop looking.
You're right...he is not your husband.
You asked me on my thread about how long to hope.
Forever...as long as you want too as long as you can...BUT it makes more sense to hope when you are doing the things that allow hope to live. If your doing things to make hope impractical...then, you're killing off your chances, you are the one that makes it silly to hope for a future that you are ensuring WON'T happen.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Ok Jack, but and it is just a BUT, how am I ensuring it wont happen by looking at his picture. Really I want to know. I could see this if I was STILL contacting him everyday or every week for that matter. BUT he doesnt know I saw this picture.
Jack this is the first time I have seen him in over a month, other than him pulling up to get my son and I didnt really see him then. I JUST NOW got to see what he looks like and he looked bad. It surprised me thats all.
The problem with looking at the picture isn't that he knows is, it is what it does to you. Everytime you time about him, it is setting you back. Not your R with him, YOU!
Ok vh. I was confused because Jack said it was ensuring that my hope would fail. I KNOW it doesnt help me, even though I wasnt really that bothered by it, I am getting use to it by now. But how does that belittle my hope for reconil in future?
Jack says by doing this I am ensuring that a FUTURE wont happen.
Beacuse when it doesn't help you, it sets back your emotional state, whether you are seeing it or not. It means that the next time you interact with him, you might not be in as good a place as you could have been. Or, when you don't expect it, one of these little things could lead you to doing something you shouldn't. (Say you see a pick, and before you even realize it you have the phone in your hand.)
The point Jack was making (I think, not being Jack!) is that anything you do that isn't helping you, is hurting you. And anything that is hurting you, is hurting your chances of a R with him, and actually, with anyone else. And it is hurting your R with yourself.
Ok I get it. That has been my question all along. I didnt understand how me looking gave my less chances with reconcil. As far as interacting with him or talking on phone with him. It aint gonna happen because he REFUSES to see me or talk with me. I dont try to make him either. I dont see him talking to me anytime soon. I would love to talk with someone that has been through a similiar situation. Where their spouse of years want to pretend they dont exist anymore. Can you think of anybody that has been through this? I know lots here have been through alot but has anybody been in my situation, where their is NO CONTACT at all. Where the spouse can NOT get over the ANGER? If so I would love to speak with them. I can get past the I want a divorce, but the not wanting to ever speak again after 20 years I am having a hard time with.
