Had a BRILLIANT night out, great band, lots of laughts, lots of friends.. ex all over me like a rash.. hugged me for 20 minutes, so much that EVERYONE got fed up waiting !!He was due to get a lift home with 4 others, but held them up and made everyone annoyed, hugging me so much !
Anyway, he said it was lovely to see me, that he missed me SOO much, so I took a risk and said, I miss you too.. so why dont you call me more often? He said... guilt.. I feel so guilty, in all ways, its ridiculous, I have got into this frame of mind taht every little thing i do or say, I worry what people think of me, I feel crazy, seriously, I am a mental person... and on and on like that and just hugging me and squeezing me and like he was going to kiss me....
God the mind of a WAS. I said.. do you really miss me? (smiling) he said.. um.. YES! .. just ever so slightly!! (being sarcastic) and hugged me tighter.. and oh its all SO FRUSTRATING !!!!
He made a beeline for me when they all arrived at the pub. Cher told me (what I intuitively felt at 9pm) that at the meal, he asked her if she had arranged to see me and at what time.. she told him 9.15.. so he started to hurry the whole table to leave, even though some hadnt finished their drinks!!
When they arrived, he was 'with' me all night.. and made a point to introduce me to the guy he works with and shares his house with, who I have never met before. THis guy told Cher, whats going on with him and Al !?? He told me before we came out that he was really excited to be going out, to see her !
He also told me that my ex had been showing him photos of us on holidday !!
BUT... he is still with Helen. He also told me, during the 20 minute hugging, that he is going back to our hometown tommorow for the weekend (alone) so.. yay! not with Helen, but.. oh no, avoiding breaking up with her still !!?
Lastly, I felt for the FIRST time, like I had some power.. I had two guys chat me up right under his nose and I could tell he didnt like it and I kept flitting off to chat to people (naturally, but then, Jody the DB coach said best to be a "firefly", flit back and forth to him).. but he was just seeking me out all the time. So when he said he missed me, I said, why dont you call me then? Its lovely to spend time with you.. cant we do this more often? He said, yes, he wanted to but he just felt SO guilty... and I said, I am sorry I never call you, do you want me to call you sometimes??? And he said.. oh, that makes me sound so bad.. but yes.. yes.. call me, please.. "
So .. that was my evening! BMF G told me when we left.. it wont be much longer now.. trust me.. just keep doign what you are doing. I said, whats that? He said.. just be yourself.. because thats what he misses.
