First, to all who have posted, thanks for your support.
Thanks DQ, for the compliment about my title, I've always used humor to try to lighten heavy loads. Maybe just a defense tactic but seems better than jumping on "the sky is falling" bandwagon. I have read DB thoroughly and keep rereading the chapters that are most applicable. Can't say I always am able to follow the advice though, despite my best efforts.
I'll check out your threads, thanks. As an update, (I haven't been on here for a couple of weeks due to computer problems), she has now officially decided to separate, at least that's what she told me in counseling this week. I'm not surprised, although still incredulous as in, "are you REALLY ready to do this to our family?". Very hurtful (know I'm preaching to the choir here) and is going to be devestating to the kids. She hasn't left yet and the kids don't know her decision, although they know we are in counseling.
Question is, how should I treat her before (and IF) she really leaves? I have been trying to be neutral, not overly warm, but not cold/rude either. I feel like cutting off all but the most essential conversation (kids skeds, etc.) so she can see what being separated will be like, but I also don't want to give her additional justification to accelerate the process. I feel the longer she stays in the house, the better it is for our girls.
On the other hand, she seems hesitant to actually leave (understandable) but keeps saying her decision is made. I told her the decision is up to her but she had better be 100%, absolutely SURE she has to do this, otherwise it's not worth the damage she will cause. Not sure she will actually go through with it but then again, wouldn't be surprised if she did just to prove her point.
I have decided to let her go if she wants but am not planning to do anything to help the process. I will simply not stand in the way. I will do what I can to help the kids cope but they are going to be crushed regardless. She, however, will be on her own. This is her decision to leave rather than do the hard work of staying and working on us, so I'm out of it. Tired of trying to convince her to stay and it probably feels to her like I'm just "controlling" her again.
Any suggestions on immediate steps I should/should not take?
Me 47 W 44 D16, D13 T 23yrs M 20yrs WAW/MLC + Male EA "BFF from H.S." = Misery
