Man, I feel for you my friend. That last paragraph you wrote is incredibly moving. Those words place you in the part of this process that I think is perhaps the most difficult - saying goodbye to the parts of that previous life that you know were good.
I agree with you about this site. It is extremely beneficial to us when we are first dealing with the shock of a marriage on life support. The community here lifts you up, levels you off, and gives you strength when you are at your weakest. It helps us find a way to begin to understand just what is happening to our life and, slowly but surely, how to survive through it all.
But it comes with a danger as well. I think it's just a case of each of us needing to be strong enough to hear all the voices speaking to us here, but still able to make in informed decision based upon what we KNOW is happening. MWD knows that not all marriages will be saved. She knows that no matter how hard WE work, eventually we still have to have a partner who chooses at some point to labor along side us. Sadly, many of us never get that partner again.
The good news is what is often omitted here.
There is life, and good life at that, no matter how our marriage situation turns out. One of the stronger truths shared here is that our personal satisfaction with our lives should never depend on one single person. When we finally get our mental and emotional hands around that, we find the ability to live life again.
It kills me that your particular story continues to unfold so slowly. Sadly, I think it is often true that larger your financial picture, the longer the resolution takes. Perhaps that is why my story moved with such lightning speed, lol.
It's ok to feel those conflicting feelings of sadness and a longing for this madness to end. It's completely natural. And you've had it pretty bad, cohabitating with a woman who became so viscious towards you. You have no idea just how much relief is going to enter your life when this stage is finally done.
I'd love to join you all in Myrtle Beach, or anywhere else some of these fine people would choose to gather. There are many of you whom I owe at least a good firm handshake. It would be great to see that happen one day.
Look for the light at the end of the tunnel FIB, and know that this time it's not an oncoming train.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
