The adventure continues- part 4

[dburt]

Hard to argue with Gucci, I just do not understand why there has to be a real date, because what you want is the fear of her loosing AF, and there are other ways to get that across.

By the way, that is why I want you to move out when you get a new assignment, because that would take the same place of loosing you in her mind.

Burt

[AFWAW]

hooper,
I understand this as well. I still plan to go see what's what on Sat evening. I agree about the no contact order as well. I think my wife is waiting to see if I get promoted as this gives her an opportunity to come back and start fresh. Probably not the right reason, I'm thinking. I have reflected a lot on what everyone here has said today, especially Gucci. I actually had a pretty good day for a change. We'll see how the interaction goes tonight with the wife as she is spending the night so she can leave early in the morning to take my D on her field trip to Atlanta. I have a lot of stuff to keep me busy around the house. Hopefully it will work out well and I can avoid any relationship talks.

[mindfull]

AF - Good job on today! We're with you!

[hooper1668]

AF
You are doing well...it doesn't matter the reason she comes back as long as the affair is over and she comes back. if that is what you want. This is not going to be easy and you very well may find you can't stand her and want her gone.


I too am curious on how she acts tonight. Not a good time for you to get emotional...keep an eye on your daughter.

Take care

[AFWAW]

You are doing well...it doesn't matter the reason she comes back as long as the affair is over and she comes back. if that is what you want. This is not going to be easy and you very well may find you can't stand her and want her gone.

Honestly, I'm not sure if I want her to come back right now(FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE attitude). I know it's not going to be easy.

I too am curious on how she acts tonight. Not a good time for you to get emotional...keep an eye on your daughter.

No worries, I'm not feeling emotional tonight anyways.

Funny thing is she just called a little while ago--she was supposed to bring dinner for us--she offered. She said I just got done doing xyz and I'm running behind what did you guys want for dinner. I said I don't care whatever. She said that doesnt help, I'm not offering this sh@# again. Ok, I said, don't worry about it I'll get dinner. Ok she says, I'll eat here. She said I'll be over around 8. Ok, sounds good bye.

What a surprise--her being late that is and not being reliable. Whatever, I don't care, I ate and I'm going to relax this weekend. It's probably better that she's coming over later anyway as there will be less chance for a relationship talk which I don't want right now. No pressure, no pressure.

[MrBond]

The jealousy part may work, but once they're back, then what?

Unless you seriously changed the problems that you had each other, it's going to repeat itself. I think there needs to be alot of introspection/change and growth before they come back either through jealousy or whatever.

Gucci, is that how you were able to attract your S back? I couldn't tell from your signature when you succeeded.

[AFWAW]

Ok, had some interesting stuff going on last night. SS19 called! Hadn't heard from him in about 1 1/2 weeks. Asked how I was doing talked about his job, girlfriend, normal stuff then he says he talked to his mom earlier in the week and she says she offered apartment to him if he wanted to move back down as she wants to go home. I didn't say anything. I don't know why she would tell him that as he isn't necessarily affected by it. Funny, thing is the wife called when I was talking to SS. She says, I'm running late, are you on the phone? I said yes. She said, who with. Now, I know I screwed this up and should have just said a friend but I remembered that she couldn't believe that SS was calling me so I told her it was him--I got the reaction I was hoping for--"Oh, really, ok, I'll be over in a bit."

Anyway, the wife didn't show up till after 10. She came in and apologized for being so late claiming she had to do some laundry--yeah, ok, whatever. Then she asked if I would mind if she slept in the bed. Sure no problem. At this point, I was ready to go to sleep. She started talking, no relationship stuff, just small talk. I listened and validated some but didn't overdo it. Then she says good night, pauses for a min and says I love you like she really means it--hey she might but if she really loves me, why did she do what she did? I told her I loved her too. Not jumping up on cloud nine--doesn't mean I not getting a divorce cause I still love her, I know.

In the morning, she gets up and starts getting ready and exclaims that wow, I've lost so much weight, my thighs are so thin. Then she walks in and says I'm not trying to get sexy but feel my butt. (yeah, ok you tease, whatever) So, I did and said "Very nice!" I must say, the old Mrs. AFWAW did nothing but cut herself down so while I still see a woman who has to be the center of attention and low self-esteem, she at least isn't complaining about her body all the time--and she does look great--let's not forget who she was trying to look great for though.

So, wife and D leave and I roll over to go back to sleep for 30 min. 5 min later I get a phone call from wife. Says she forgot something, could I please bring it to her at D's school. Sure, I'll be right there. Got there and she wants to tell me about how she got into it w/ another mom that was being rude to my D. Thanks me for bringing stuff and blows me a kiss.

Not a whole lot to anaylze but I'm not paralyzed with fear that she's not coming back anymore and did my best to act like as if she's not. Going out tonight and maybe tomorrow night too. Before I went to Iraq, I sure never thought in a million years this would be happening to me.

Funny thing happened at work the other day. Young guy comes into my office and starts talking about interactions w/ his fiance. A lot of the stuff he says about interactions, arguements, etc. remind me of my relationship. So, I offered him my copy of Hold on to your N.U.T.S. and recomend he go buy the 5 love languages. Well, 4 or 5 days later he comes to me smiling. I said, what's up? He tells me about setting boundries, not arguing anymore, better interactions all the way around and thanks me over and over. Damn, I wish I would have had this knowledge years ago. I hope he has more success than I've had. I have to keep telling myself every morning that I didn't do anything wrong. I know what I could have done better in the marriage though. I have the knowledge and am standing by to apply if I get the chance again.

[gucci loafer]

She says, I'm running late, are you on the phone? I said yes. She said, who with. Now, I know I screwed this up and should have just said a friend but I remembered that she couldn't believe that SS was calling me so I told her it was him--I got the reaction I was hoping for--"Oh, really, ok, I'll be over in a bit."

You didn't screw up. What you said was fine. As long as you keep the pressure off (the key thing is NO PRESSURE)and don't pursue her and let her pursue you, then you will be just fine here.

Anyway, the wife didn't show up till after 10. She came in and apologized for being so late claiming she had to do some laundry--yeah, ok, whatever. Then she asked if I would mind if she slept in the bed. Sure no problem. At this point, I was ready to go to sleep. She started talking, no relationship stuff, just small talk. I listened and validated some but didn't overdo it.

Not bad. Good job on knowing not to "overdo it"... NEVER overdo it.....

Then she says good night, pauses for a min and says I love you like she really means it--hey she might but if she really loves me, why did she do what she did? I told her I loved her too. Not jumping up on cloud nine--doesn't mean I not getting a divorce cause I still love her, I know.

You are acting mature. Mature is attractive to women. No pressure... (have you noticed that I keep harping on "no pressure or pursuit on your part?")

let's not forget who she was trying to look great for though.

Correct.

So, wife and D leave and I roll over to go back to sleep for 30 min. 5 min later I get a phone call from wife. Says she forgot something, could I please bring it to her at D's school. Sure, I'll be right there. Got there and she wants to tell me about how she got into it w/ another mom that was being rude to my D. Thanks me for bringing stuff and blows me a kiss.

Nothing big here. Good job on your part. Let her keep coming to you. Hold the line. Strong, confident, mature, happy, busy and perfectly fine no matter which way it goes.

Not a whole lot to anaylze but I'm not paralyzed with fear that she's not coming back anymore and did my best to act like as if she's not.

Nothing to analyze. I keep telling you that the best way to get a woman back is to let her pursue you. Don't change your new gameplan. Go out tonight and have some fun. Keep your thoughts close to your vest. A backslide here would be a critical mistake.

Remember... If she brings up a talk... Your answer should be..
"I am not sure how I feel.. or I don't know right now WHAT I want"...... If she doesn't bring up a talk, then wait her out and HOLD THE LINE HERE....


All in all.. Good job..

Remember... Women are attracted to busy, happy, confident men who are STRONG emotionally and don't tolerate women that don't act and show that they WANT to be with him. Be that man.

[AFWAW]

Gucci,
Thanks for the feedback. Having a good day so far. This no pressure approach takes a lot of stress off of me. As I'm sure you can imagine after reading my posts it is difficult for me not to anaylze everything but I am making an effort. I am making an effort to eliminate this drama from my life--like you said before, I don't need it. Hopefully, the wife will notice that I don't want any more drama and this no pressure approach and realize that she has made a huge mistake--which she has. Anyways, thanks again. I'll post more as events unfold.

[EnoughAlready]

John--you let her sleep in the bed? With you???? Of course as Jerry Seinfeld would say..."not that there's anything wrong with that..." :-) But no, you don't have to answer, just playing....