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I recently saw a wonderful film called Lars and the Real Girl.

Here's a snippet from the dialogue....

Lars Lindstrom: I was talking to Bianca, and she was saying that in her culture they have these rites of passages and rituals and ceremonies, and, just all kinds of things that, when you do them, go through them, let you know that you're an adult? Doesn't that sound great?

Gus: It does.

Lars Lindstrom: How'd you know?

Gus: How'd I know what?

Lars Lindstrom: That you were a man

Gus: Ahhh. I couldn't tell ya.

Lars Lindstrom: Was it... okay, was it sex?

Gus: Um. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's uh, yeah, yeah it's kind of - it's uh - no. Well, it's kind of sex but it's not uh, you know? I don't know. I don't know. It's - uh - good question, good question.

Lars Lindstrom: Yeah, but I have to know

Gus: You know, you should ask Dagmar

Lars Lindstrom: I did ask Dagmar. And she said that I should ask you.

Gus: Okay, you know I can only give you my opinion.

Lars Lindstrom: That's what we want

Gus: Well, it's not like you're one thing or the other, okay? There's still a kid inside but you grow up when you decide to do right, okay, and not what's right for you, what's right for everybody, even when it hurts.

Lars Lindstrom: Okay, like what?

Gus: Like, you know, like, you don't jerk people around, you know, and you don't cheat on your woman, and you take care of your family, you know, and you admit when you're wrong, or you try to, anyways. That's all I can think of, you know - it sound like it's easy and for some reason it's not.



Powerful wisdom...doing what's right, not just for you but for everybody, even when it hurts.

We all need to grow up, don't we?

--Theoden

Last edited by theoden; 04/30/09 01:57 PM.



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Theo..

Yes we all need to grow up, but for some of us(or should I say our Wives or husbands) it never happens.


me: 37
H: 44
Married for 18 years this june
S7
S3
porn issues, and much more... since 7/06

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
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I agree that some people never grow up. I believe "growing up" means putting others before yourself. I bet everyone on this board would give up their life for their family. Yet, in many of our situations the WAS is choosing to destroy the lives of their family.

Yes, people do make mistakes, and get caught up in the moment, but then reality hits them. They realize that it's not all about them. Their "happiness" does not always come first. They realize they have little human beings depending on them. It is their grown up responsibility to love and nurture those little ones.




Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are.
-- Bernice Johnson Reagon


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This brings to mind the very conversation my now xW and I had on our second date. I will never forget it. We were sharing a dinner at a Greek restaurant trying to get better acquainted with each other's thoughts on principles and values. I recall us talking about maturity and how too many adults only make a pretense at acting like adults. I made this comment:

"I think my ideal would be to have the mind of an adult -- rational and intelligent -- while maintaining the heart of a child, that is, warm and imaginative and tender. The best of both.

But too many people foolishly get it completely backwards -- instead, they bear the mind of a child and the heart of an adult, becoming immature and selfish and thoughtless, and cold and hardened and bitter."

I recall the amazed smile on xW's face and that she remarked on how she considered that so profound.

(In retrospect, we really did used to enjoy each others observations like that, quite a bit. My, how things do change.)


Me: 49
WAW: 47
S11, S7
Years Married/Together: 17/18
Bomb: 6/15/07
Separation: 7/6/07
D: 4/3/09

Real love is a decision.
Marriage is a commitment.
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nc.. wow.. its really sad how someone can really change so much.

And you are so right...


me: 37
H: 44
Married for 18 years this june
S7
S3
porn issues, and much more... since 7/06

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
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I was watching The View yesterday and saw that there is a website called ashleymadison.com whose catch phrase is "Life is short, have an affair" Its an affair networking site, married people seeking other married people! Is this Soddam and Gamorah type stuff? I know its a little bit of a different topic, but I figured that it would work, because they actually have commercials for this cr@p!

Last edited by bluerain; 05/01/09 06:58 PM.

I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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Good lord, I checked out the FAQ on that disgusting web site and they dont encourage anyone to stray, but if that someone does feel they need to have an affair, they will gladly take your money to help you.

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Thats what the owner of the site said! And that these people rarely end their M's because of A's! He was sort of like "Just to get it out of their system"! Something I think that we have all heard WAS's say! Hes M with 2 Kids, and hes facilitating this! Its terrible! Just the fact that this exists makes me feel, nauseous? I dont know exactly how it makes me feel, not good at all, thats for sure.

I hope he makes millions. Talk about dirty money.

Last edited by bluerain; 05/02/09 05:49 PM.

I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
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