AFWAW, It would be better for you to identify the OM and expose. An affair within the military between an officer and enlisted, both married, is different than civilians. Most civilians would not lose thier job, possible demotion, fines, extra duty, UCMJ, discharge...that is why it is important for you to know who so you can get command involvement and have a "no contact"...it is a tool that you have to end the affair. Is it 100%? No, but the OM and your wife will quickly realize this affair is not worth it...in almost 30 yrs in the military I only saw one affair continue after the no contact order was issued...and that person (the highest ranking, male) who continued contact was discharged in less than 4-months. It might have been embarassing for the woman but she is back with her husband and they went on to have another child.
No one can predict what will happen...you have gotten alot of great advice...detach, take care of yourself, never forget your daughters well being as it is your job to protect her from your wifes actions for now.
Keep your log book on what she does for use later in court. Again, I hope this works out best for you and yours.
