I spent time posting to you and trying to help you to move forward, but you don't read the words I write to you, instead you do whatever you want.
You don't listen to what I tell you because you are too damned fixated on your EX Husband's fiancee and her MySpace account.
She is NOT the OW, you are Divorced.
Everyone here is giving you advice but you choose to ignore it and then end up making a complete and utter arse of yourself with the texts and phone calls etc.
Can you not just BE STILL??
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
VH can you think of a poster here that has divorced and is dealing with ow and their children? I would like to read their threads.
Ok, I am not legally divorced yet but the papers are signed by me and my stbx just waiting for the judge to sign them so I somewhat qualify for this.
My stbx has been living with his new gf part time for about 6 months. He only stays at his place when he has the kids because they refuse to go to her house. They want nothing to do with this woman. I don't push them but I do tell them that she is a part of their fathers life and needs to accept that. I leave it in their hands. My girls are 15 and 18. I can't make them go see their father if they don't want to and I can't keep them from seeing him either. (not that I ever would)
Monday I got a call from him regarding some things and as we were talking he informed me he was giving up his apartment and moving in with her full time. I have to admit it did upset me a little bit. Not because I was hoping he would come home but because I knew how my girls would react. He was going to sit them down last night and talk to them. Me being the person I am wanted to tell them beforehand so they would be prepared, but I didn't. That was tough. Probably the reason I had to take a mental health day yesterday. I don't do well with stress.
Anyway, he told them and they accepted it the best that they could. I don't know what they are going to do on the days they are supposed to visit him since they won't go to her house. I suggested meeting for dinner or spending the day in the mountains on the weekends just until they are comfortable with it. I told him not to push but to let them take the lead. My stbx does not understand this. He feels he is their father and can tell them what to do. He has tried to push this woman on them from day one but they don't budge. He has made the comment to me that she wants them to be a part of her life. Understandable. They actually want me to be a part of their life also but I am not ready for that. Maybe never will but for now I like keeping my distance.
Sunshine, you have to let your son decide what he wants. You can't let what this woman says upset you. If you continue doing this you will not ever be able to let go and move on with your life. If you don't let your son make his own decisions you will push him away as my stbx is doing. Regarding what the new woman is saying on myspace has nothing to do with you. Yes, it is your son but would you rather her be talking nice about him or bad mouthing him? She is trying. As hard as it is to accept the fact that she is a part of your xh and son's life, you have to do it. Let everything go. The way you are acting will have an affect on your son and also your nephew that is living with you. You don't realize how you act affects them. Try to pull yourself together and let go of him. I know you haven't had much time to deal with it but you need to try harder to put the past where it belongs...in the past. Stop dwelling on anything to do with your xh, he is gone and there is nothing you can do.
If any of your friends start talking about xh or his gf then stop them and say you don't want to hear it. I have had to do that. I am still very close to my stbx MIL and she has tried telling me things but I told her I didn't want to hear it. We have an understanding now.
You will be surprised on how well things are when you accept things and move on with your life. I never thought I would be happy again but I am. I have moved on and am enjoying life again. I was on anti depressants for over 7 years but am off of them now. I feel so much better. I don't let the little things get to me as much anymore. You need to grieve for the marriage that crumbled and then pick yourself up and start over. Life is what we make of it. If you keep going down the path you are on, you will fall hard. You need to step off that path and start on a new one. Life can be a beautiful journey.
Look at Trapt, he is not dwelling on what could have been. He has picked himself up, dusted off and moving forward with his life.
So many people get stuck in a rut trying to figure out what went wrong that they can't see the big picture. It takes 2 to make a marriage work and 2 to make a marriage crumble. Don't be the victim of the circumstances any longer. Be a survivor. Get out there and start your new, better life. I know you can do this if you would just let go of the past. Pack up anything in the house that is your xh's. Pack away any pictures of him. If you need to, put one in your sock drawer that you can pull out if needed but don't have many reminders of him around. Heck, if I could afford it I would sell everything I have and start over fresh.
You can do this Sunshine. Everyone here has been giving great advice, you just need to choose to use it. Again, let go of your xh and anything to do with him and move on with your life. Don't sit back and waste precious moments. I waited 4 years for my stbx and now feel I wasted that time. That is 4 years I will never get back. I am going to make the next however many years I am alive count. No more dwelling on what could have been. I am now moving on to what will be. I will be 42 years old in May and in the prime of my life. I am going to enjoy myself and live my life to the fullest. You can do the same, you just have to want it.
T2, very well said. I have pretty much tried to say the same thing.
Sun, the control of the whole situation is all inside your mind. It really is. Listen, I'm going through d right now, and it's very difficult. I have chosen not to dwell on the negative. My h keeps trying to suck me back in, and I do not let him. It is easier to move on with your life when he is leaving you alone. And, your son is 18, so that means you don't have to deal with all of the stuff that one with little kids does. You have a good chance to go on and make a new, happy life.
I could still be getting sucked in by his drama. I don't ALLOW myself to be. I could still be wallowing in the hurt of him starting up with this girl 3 weeks after we separated, but I don't ALLOW myself to be. I could be eaten up inside b/c he chose an 18yo girl over working on his family, but I don't ALLOW myself to be.
I could resent HER horribly, for them trying to push her around my kids while we're still married, and for her harassing me by phone and computer. You know what? I have chosen not to. Yeah, I joke about them, "Tinkerbell" as my friend Beginner likes to call her. But that's just a little release of stress. It is not eating me up inside. You know why? Because one night I had an epiphany in the way I was thinking about it.
H was and is so lost and depressed and has no clue what he's doing. He had even verbally talked about suicide before, but wouldn't stay on any meds even though I tried to get him to. I was gone. The kids were gone. MAYBE, having this little girl to hang on to is like his life preserver. MAYBE he needs her to have one little shred of hope to keep going. That thought alone has made me do a 180 in my thinking. Now, I'm still not gonna invite them to dinner. I'm not going to hand over my young kids to an 18yo either. BUT, my changing the way I thought about it has totally helped my outlook. Yes, what he did/is doing is still wrong and that won't change. However, it has taken away that huge sense of betrayal I was feeling.
I know that I will be fine, and even happy once we are D'd. Will I still feel pain? Sure. We're all human. I will choose to feel it, process it, and move on. That's what you need to do, Sun. Find your inner strength. Your pride. You have all of the power to do a 180 in your thinking, Sun. Just do it. You are ALLOWING yourself to be victimized by your own hand. I've kind of told you these things before. Do you have any thoughts about that?
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Cinderella...lol I alwasy call her Cinders sooooo...I don't know her full name here, but you cannot miss it, she is the story you want and for you...an example to aspire to.
I don't think your H is in MLC...but I'm not in your shoes, so I'm not sure that MLC is the place to post. Our advice usually falls on deaf ear anyway. Right now we could tell you that it woul dbest for you to breath in and out and I'm not sure you would...or you will say I know...but...
Lewis,
You want to talk to this woman, who is not the OW, sorry, once... One, REALLY bad idea and I doubt you can do anything just once.
You are one confrontation away from a restraining order...
Lewis, you were asking me question about why your H did some things because I was a WAH once. I cannot answer for your H, I did what I did to someone who wasn't you. There are similarities...but I cannot answer for your husband. For me there absolutely was a breaking point a point of no return, and I have not looked back, ever.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
But that's just a little release of stress. It is not eating me up inside. You know why? Because one night I had an epiphany in the way I was thinking about it. 
