I never thought of it that way, but I guess you're right. You know one of my prayers was always "Lord, either reconcile us or take away my love for her, because this hurts too much." Maybe the "looks/acts different" thing is one of the ways He does that?
Puppy
You and I will have to be teammates at the Myrtle Beach outing! I prayed for the exact same thing, for the exact same reason.
That depends -- got any cigars in that thar golf bag o' yours, mate?
Count me in at the golf tourney. Only thing is...I can't play golf. I can whack a few at the driving range and THAT ALONE is reason enough for you guys to invite me. I'll keep you laughing on the floor. Substitute a lacrosse ball and stick...and I'll hold my ground.
Mules...your sitch is CLEAR EVIDENCE that divorce is NOT FAILURE. Clear as a bright sunny day. It is this that makes me get angry here sometimes.....that people don't have the strength sometimes to pull out a huge pair of cajones and just say 'think you tried hard enough, time to call it quits'. Clearly..you can see people staying here forever, holding onto people who cheat on them...abuse them...treat them as whale poop....verbally abuse them....throw away their kids....for...what?
What happened here is a fine example of how to handle a failing M....you try...you risk...you listen..maybe don't believe...give it a shot....feel more pain...see destruction..and then say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! Who told our community here to keep people lingering in pain for years? to act like a wuss? to let a spouse continually cross borders? to keep one's mouth closed while being abused emotionally or even physically?
Why?
Why do we do it here? Even the big M's books doesn't say that.
Anyway....you handled this as best as anyone could. I hope we can get together with our kids...especially if you make your way out here onto the Island. If you really want to have a laugh...asked Coach and PDT to hold the the little flag in the cup while I tee off at them. Now THAT will keep you in stitches. FORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
First of all I have dibs on driving the cart at this tourney. I play but I will forego that in order to provide a nice ride, refreshing beverages, scrumptious snacks, and of course the ability to "look away" and I subtract well.
I agree with FIB about knowing when to in the words of the great Kenny Rogers:
"know when to hold 'em, know when to fold' em
Know when to walk away Know when to run"
Anyway, I am happy to hear what a fortunate life your boys will have because of you. Talk about a fun house. WWF and a cool daddio. My IC when I was seeing her, after meeting with my kids, came to me and said she really didn't need to see them because as long as I was A-OK my kids where A-OK. They take cues from how we live and handle life. Yours will have strenght, honor, and dignity.
My H never threw our kids all the way under the bus but he certainly made missteps... but had he done that. I would be where you are today. I will tolerate some chit on myself and risk myself but not my kids.
I am proud of you and what you are accomplishing and hopefully you will give some inspiration to some of the newbies on the board to step up for their kids and stop whining and pining about their ding dong screwed up spouses. (Of course, in the beginning we all were there, but dang you got to move up and on at some point)
Now, I'm off to find my knickers for golf and channel my inner Payne Stewart who was/is my favorite all time golfer.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
Hey! I want in on this trip, too! I can be a wench--usually a pirate wench, but I will haul beer and subtract and create mulligans. I will channel Bagger Vance for wisdom ! Puppy, I could use you taking a peek at my thread. Mules, you are invited, too.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I just wanted to come by your thread and say that I think it's great that you're reaching out to some folks lately. I think you have a TON of empathy, wisdom and experience that you can offer others after living thru what you have with such "strength and honor." Even just the occasional "Hey, I've been there -- hang in there" encouragement is often all someone needs when no one is answering them.
I hope you'll keep it up, and "pay it forward" as Coach, Bill and others have done for you. I think you have a lot to offer, and that you have a gift in this area.
I just wanted to come by your thread and say that I think it's great that you're reaching out to some folks lately. I think you have a TON of empathy, wisdom and experience that you can offer others after living thru what you have with such "strength and honor." Even just the occasional "Hey, I've been there -- hang in there" encouragement is often all someone needs when no one is answering them.
I hope you'll keep it up, and "pay it forward" as Coach, Bill and others have done for you. I think you have a lot to offer, and that you have a gift in this area.
Puppy
Ditto me on that, Punk! Proud of you. Cheers ~
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
! Puppy, I could use you taking a peek at my thread. Mules, you are invited, too.