I am not sure what the dynamics were between you before all of this happened. What I am sure about is that you have to do things for yourself and do things that you know your H would eventually be proud of you for doing and being.
Nothing you 'say' to your H right now will do anything. All you can do is 'wait'.
I can also advise:
1.) Do not give him any reason to ease his guilty conscience. 2.) Do not act desperate, even if you feel it. (cry later) 3.) Let time heal your wounds. 4.) Agree with him. 5.) Be patient, be kind, be understanding. 6.) Read books. 7.) If you need anti-depressants, take them. Do what you need to do to feel better. Right now, pursuing him will make you feel worse. 8.) Make a list of all the things you want to do for yourself.
Remember, everyone's circumstances are different. My husband, A, and I never fought. Life was and still is stressful for him. I read that people in their 30s start to rethink what they have achieved in their life. A's nature is to be black and white. So one day, he left...it wasn't until 1-1/2 years later that he started to come forward to start to talk to me. I cried a lot and tried to find ways to remain hopeful. It isn't easy, but it does get easier.
Poet, try to live in faith, try to take the leap of faith. Do not take this into your own hands. You don't know 'how' it is going to manifest--just pray and believe it will come to fruition.
My heart aches for you. I know the tears that you cry.
My small nugget of gold: Shortly after A left, I wanted so much to bake him his favorite cookies and bring them to him as a gesture of love. I knew I couldn't do it at the time because 'anything' I did, I knew he would feel pressured and it would push him away. I knew that I would look pathetic. So, I didn't. Soooo, every once and awhile, I thought of it. I knew that it had to feel effortless, light, happy & right. Poet, it didn't happen when I planned it. I forgot about it, and just this past week, I visited him at his work to give him some papers and I brought him some bakery-made cookies. It was perfect timing (not my timing). He was very happy to receive them and very grateful. He even txt me to thank me for them. So, please Poet let time happen. Let your H make his mistakes and not have you to blame for them. Build yourself up and heal. Pray for your golden nugget.
