SMW - I have been watching along on your thread, sad and horrified for you, of course. All I can say is that he is DEEP DEEP into his own head and it is, as you know, up his own butt. (Very dark in there).
I have said on my thread before that I can't really understand these WAS's who have also walked away from their own children. Its one thing to convince yourself that your marriage is over and that is why you are having an affair, blah blah blah, but how can they live with themselves when it comes to abandoning their kids? I'll never get that one.
Although I did get a glimpse of this from some divorced brother-in-laws (two of them, my ex-h's brothers) who were having affairs, and when their wives said "what about the kids? This is going to kill them" their answers were always along the lines of "me and my kids are just FINE, don't talk to me about MY KIDS". Which seems to me to show that some WAS's have a strange romantic notion about their own kids, that says that the kids will love them and TAKE THEIR SIDE in their pursuit of THEIR OWN HAPPINESS no matter what they do to achieve it!
So apparently, some people actually think that their children will "just understand" their "need to pursue happiness". I guess since this seems to be a common thing for some people to think, it must not be that far out in space. Its not until you test this theory that you find out you are WRONG. Your kids will NOT just love you no matter what! Your kids can actually move on from you! There may be a tiny tad of genetic bonded love, but that doesn't mean the same thing at all. I think maybe because some of these wayward parents know that they will love their kids no matter what the kids do, that the reverse is true. They find out fast that the reverse certainly is NOT TRUE!!
I'm so sorry for you and your kids....
As for boundaries, honey, the only thing I can advise is that you call him up and chew his azz out and tell him exactly what he's doing to those kids, then hang up. I know that's not good DB'ing, but you've been on the road a long time and he doesn't seem to be getting an earful from anyone about what he is doing to the kids, is he? I mean I know you are saying the BIL/SIL are disappointed and all, but the relatives are rarely able to talk to a man directly like this, you know?
And if God is telling you that he is going to come back one day so to be patient....then you can't really go wrong here, right? Giving him an earful about how he is hurting his own kids can't turn him further away from you, he is already completely turned away. Also it will not be to be giving him guilt either, it will be to give him the TRUTH about his own kids, something every parent needs to hear, no matter how it is delivered.
