It will go on longer than you want it to, but it will be over sooner than you think. For what it is worth, my wife is as hard headed as any person I know, stuborn to the core. She was done, completely, and I fought threw it, just baby steps is all I was after.
Still going through them as well, for example. Goal #1 have her say she is willing to try to work on our m. #2 have her see mc #3 have sex with me #4 have her touch me lovingly again #5 have her say I love you to me unprovoked (this one happened only about 3 weeks ago.
I recommend doing these little things. As you can see it is a long road, but when you list out your goals, and not the ones I listed, maybe real small ones, like she calls you by next Monday, or something like that, you feel like you are making headway. All the while as our stubborn women think what we are doing is all show, we keep hammering away at them by showing them that we have truly changed. Even the most prideful will start to question themselves.
Need some advice two of our dogs got out while was act work and attacked another dog. Trying not to call the W but i dont think i should leave her out of the decision wether i should get rid of those 2 (have 3 btw). They have been a problem for her in the past ive had them 2 of before we got together and bought her the other for valentines 1st year together. but she has expressed several times that she is not happy with us having those dogs because they caused quite a few problems. should i break the rules and call her about this dont want her to feel like i left her out of a decision that should could possibly not agree with? She does love the dogs sometimes.
Director of my D daycare wanted to talk to me today. Said she has heard about my situation and that she is sorry then proceeds to tell me that she thinks it might be a blessing in disguise. (not what i was trying to hear but we are friends with them i know she had good intentions...) Tells me that she thinks that she got the impression that W has found somebody else. (still dont believe that is the case, i did not see the signs of it and her actions while she visited 2 weeks ago didnt show it, Plus like i said before i honestly beleive she would just tell me that) anyways...tells me that she believes that D is better off in my care due to my W's personal issues and that my daughter behaves better and seems happier since my wife has been gone. (dont completly agree with that either) Is more well behaved i think but i have always been the one to be the disciplned one. She also said W is making a big mistake and she really believes that my W will eventually realize this will regret what she did, be very unhappy, and wont be able to handle everything and i will end up with my D anyways.
So... then W text me ask me to call her so D could talk to her before she gets to sleepy. I call her for D and use this oppurtunity to talk to her about the dogs. (didnt know if this was a good idea but i had to make a decision tonight dogs are currently still at the pound from being picked up and i have to call first thing in the morning) In a very positive tone i tell her that the dogs were picked up today because 2 of them got out. Said I was thinking about letting them go because of them getting out and asked her what she thinks about it since one of them was her dog. She said, you already know how I feel about it and says she thinks it is the best thing to do, then tells me that she already said goodbye to her dog for some reason (I know what it was). I told her she was right that nobody needed this added stress (had the dogs for 4 and 5 years still couldnt get them to behave 3rd dog is great though...). She said she felt bad for D but at least she still had the other dog. She suggested that i ask the person i got one of the dogs from if he wanted her back rather than leave her at the pound i said that was a good idea and i would call him tomorrow. So... told D mommie was on the phone all of a sudden D was saying "I dont want to". W asked to be put on speaker phone called D her pet name and with this miserable face D repeats that she didnt want to.(i felt bad) W playfully called her a punk, then told me she was working on accounting assignment and that it was really hard. i just acknolodge what she said and then told her that i would give her a call when D wanted to talk. She said dont hesitate to call when she wants to talk again. then says cause she didnt want to miss her wanting to talk. I said ok, bye.
W sounded very content on the phone kinda gave me mixed feelings it didnt sound like any of this was affecting her but it also made me feel good cause she was so pleasant to talk to on the phone.
I feel really bad about the dogs I liked having them but they did cause alot of problems money wise, property wise, and alot of stress in our M. Before ive told W i would not get rid of the dogs for any reason and stood my ground on that. But it caused several fights or was used as ammo by her in several fights. I will find them a home tomorrow then give the people the money to go to the pound and pick them up. I dont want anything bad to happen to them but i do think this is better for everyone. Hope i did the right thing...
BIL called me again today I kinda broke down for a second with the dogs, the W, everything thats going on. I had a moment, this situation can really do a number on a person. I'm usually the guy everyone goes to, to get all the advice and fix problems and now im having trouble with handling this.
ammo, its ok to write posts that are as long as you want. Journaling here is very cathartic.
You and I have a lot of traits in common (including the separation from our Ws). It doesn't sounds like you have a lot of 'spare' time, but let me recommend a book for you No more Mr. Nice Guy. It was an eye-opener for me and it sounds like it might be for you, too.
Keep up the DB efforts.
Me40 WAW37 M18 T20 S18,14 D13 EA Bomb 6/08 Sep 11/20/08 Ret 08/09 Sep/Filed 11/09
thanks portland ill go by hastings today and see if they got it im at the point in DR where i can take a break from it so ill read that for a little while.
daughter not feeling good this morning when i woke her up so i stayed home with her. i need a break from work anyway. i'm thinking about starting the coaching anyone that has used it have any feedback? also not sure if i handled last night the right way (above post) any feed back on that would be great.
I think you should have said, Got rid of the dogs today, that they got out and we just cannot have them attacking other dogs and God forbid a child. This would have showed a man that is in charge, especially since you knew how she would feel about them, you acted like you had to get her opinion on it, when you knew how she felt and she told you as much. Wasted oportunity there to show her you are changing.
no she has been married for a long time. She is the director/owner.
I need to get this down a little better cause i felt like i did a good job showing her a change by willing to change my stance on getting rid of the dogs. Why i thought that was good idea was because i was really unsure about wether she wanted her dog or not and one of the things she is using was that i wont see eye to eye on issues that she feels strongly about so i thought i was doing a 180 by letting her see that i can change my view on a certain thing because it was better for everyone. I dont want to waste another opportunity show change.
Yeah, you did show her that you changed your stance on something and that is fine, it made it sound like you were seeking her permission to get rid of them when you knew the answer she was going to have. I do not understand where you think asking her opinion when you knew what it was is a 180.
