Can anyone answer this? Part 6

[SoCo]

T2, very well said. I have pretty much tried to say the same thing.

Sun, the control of the whole situation is all inside your mind. It really is. Listen, I'm going through d right now, and it's very difficult. I have chosen not to dwell on the negative. My h keeps trying to suck me back in, and I do not let him. It is easier to move on with your life when he is leaving you alone. And, your son is 18, so that means you don't have to deal with all of the stuff that one with little kids does. You have a good chance to go on and make a new, happy life.

I could still be getting sucked in by his drama. I don't ALLOW myself to be. I could still be wallowing in the hurt of him starting up with this girl 3 weeks after we separated, but I don't ALLOW myself to be. I could be eaten up inside b/c he chose an 18yo girl over working on his family, but I don't ALLOW myself to be.

I could resent HER horribly, for them trying to push her around my kids while we're still married, and for her harassing me by phone and computer. You know what? I have chosen not to. Yeah, I joke about them, "Tinkerbell" as my friend Beginner likes to call her. But that's just a little release of stress. It is not eating me up inside. You know why? Because one night I had an epiphany in the way I was thinking about it.

H was and is so lost and depressed and has no clue what he's doing. He had even verbally talked about suicide before, but wouldn't stay on any meds even though I tried to get him to. I was gone. The kids were gone. MAYBE, having this little girl to hang on to is like his life preserver. MAYBE he needs her to have one little shred of hope to keep going. That thought alone has made me do a 180 in my thinking. Now, I'm still not gonna invite them to dinner. I'm not going to hand over my young kids to an 18yo either. BUT, my changing the way I thought about it has totally helped my outlook. Yes, what he did/is doing is still wrong and that won't change. However, it has taken away that huge sense of betrayal I was feeling.

I know that I will be fine, and even happy once we are D'd. Will I still feel pain? Sure. We're all human. I will choose to feel it, process it, and move on. That's what you need to do, Sun. Find your inner strength. Your pride. You have all of the power to do a 180 in your thinking, Sun. Just do it. You are ALLOWING yourself to be victimized by your own hand. I've kind of told you these things before. Do you have any thoughts about that?