Swimming against the current - PH in piecing

[pearlharbr]

He is still xBF. We broke up and as far as I'm concerned we are not in a R that I would call him my BF. I have no idea what we are but I'm not comfortable saying we are back together.

I was not overreacting to meeting between xBF and OW 2.5 weeks ago. No, they didn't just run into each other. Yes, it was planned. He says it was to tell her it was over and leave him alone. But he was deliberately hiding it from me. So I have no proof that what he says is true. I have counted it as his one mulligan and I have said in no uncertain terms that if he ever sees her again it will be over with us.

And yes, I would be worried about an email like that before all this crap happened. In fact I was worried about OW before she was OW. I knew in my gut that she was bad news but xBF totally pooh-poohed that idea. When the sh!t hit the fan I asked if there was someone else with her specifically in mind. Oh no, we're just friends. Pffft. Score one for woman's intuition.

It's good that he wrote the letter but I'm not overjoyed. Because he didn't write it, I wrote it. He just copied what I told him I'd like it to convey. So yes he did it, but it feels like he just checked off that box without putting any thought into it and I don't know if he truly believes in what was written.

I know everyone here thinks I need to ease up on him. But it's just not going to happen. Until I feel a little bit secure I will hold him to high standards. What's the point of letting things slide now? To set a low bar for future behavior? Now is the time that he should be on his best behavior and trying his hardest because we all know that when we get more comfortable we tend to let things slide.

I have cut him all the slack I can. Any more and I will feel like a doormat. He cheated on me, the one thing I have always maintained is unacceptable. I am stretching myself to the limits to even allow for the possibility of reconciliation.

At this point I am the WAS and he needs to work on attracting me back. Am I expecting perfection? Nope. Are my expectations high? Yep. Do I think they're unattainable? Not at all. It's up to him to decide if he's willing to man up and do what it takes.