WT I'm doing the whole Zen thing and it is actually helping a lot. It keeps me in the present and stops me from letting my mind wander forward or backwards. Of course I still get caught up in it, but the difference is I can catch myself and pull my mind back in. Rather nice.
Last night I was in my bed watching TV and my W came in and told me she was watching the cooking channel and Bobby Flay was on doing a throwdown in Virginia where we used to live. She turned my TV on and sat on the bed. At a commercial she got up and left the room - I figured she was just going back to her room. A few minutes later she came back in with her glass of water, she got under the blankets in my bed and laid there watching the show with me. She was there for about 45 minutes before she said she was tired and then went to her room. We laughed about a few things and talked about some stories when we lived there, and at one point she was teasing me a bit and I playfully pushed her away.
Anyway, that's pretty much an update for yesterday. I'll try to update more here to keep you guys in the loop. And thanks WT, Tim and Mike for stopping by.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Hiya there Coach. It's nice to 'see' you again. I do miss your input because you are really helpful. Hope all is well with you.
It's about being in the Now. Not thinking about the future or the past. About accepting the thoughts in my mind as just that...thoughts that come in and go out. Being fully present in what I'm engaging in the present moment.
Embracing what is and not resisiting it at all. To accept reality with the knowledge that my suffering is really caused by my denial or resistance to accepting what already is.
In reference to my sitch - It is what it is. I have no idea what the future holds so any projection in my mind is a total waste of time. When I see myself doing it I bring my mind back to the present moment and discard any attachment to the thoughts that are projecting forward with the knowledge that they aren't real and I don't need to attach myself to them.
It's more of a complete acceptance to what is - because it IS. Also holding the fact that I have no idea where it's all going to lead me to.
Not sure if that clears it up.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Steady, I have been keeping up with you just don't always know how to help. I get what you are saying. Be alive in the moment. I read a good article on forbes.com called "The Business Secrets of the Trappist Monks." Very similiar mindset. The authors website is linked there as well, very interesting reading. He talks alot about transformation. It seems to me you are working on yourself and it is helping you. So hard to give up the perceived control we think we have.
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It's more of a complete acceptance to what is - because it IS.
That's kinda like "acting as if" vs just acting as, take away the if and you are in a much better place for yourself.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Thanks coach. I'll have to take a look at that article. I have my moments when I'm sad as hell at what's going on, but they don't seem to be as often as they used to be. And of course there's always that part of us that holds out hope that things will change. But the fact is I don't know what the future will look like so I try not to project forward positive or negative.
Journaling:
I had court on Friday for the restraining order stuff and my W and her L's dropped the petition. So the order has been vacated and no longer hanging over my head. Don't know why they dropped it and I was fully prepared to beat it. Most of the stuff she listed in the affadavite was either an embelishment of the truth or something that never happened.
The funny thing is I didn't feel any sense of 'yeah, it's gone'. I felt the same way leaving there as I did when I got there. I think it has to do with the fact I knew she didn't need it, all the stuff listed in the order was really old stuff and a twisted form of the truth and I'm not doing/or going to do anything at all that can be construed as negative towards her.
My W went to her brother's house on Sat for her brother's birthday party and she stayed there overnight. I took the kids all day Sat and had them Sun until 2:30. Sat we went to the campground that my brother and his family were at (it's only about 10 min from my house). We had a blast over there and were buy all day. The kids had so much fun that they wanted to stay overnight. It was a great day.
Sun I took them food shopping in the morning and then we played in the yard all day until 5pm. Again, good times. The four of us even had a water gun fight in the front yard. It was great.
I'm chugging along. Working on what I need to work on. Keeping a PMA and keeping myself in the present. I keep pusing off some of the things I want to do for myself until after I leave the house, but it dawned on me yesterday that I need to start some of them now and get them rolling.
That's my update.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
Not too much going on. I've been moving along and taking care of the kids and work and household stuff. I've been in a really good mood and have the PMA going strong - even when my W rollercoasters a bit.
It's funny but she's been a bit playful and we've actually done some teasing in the past week or so. I look at them only as isolated incidents with no meaning. I've gotten myself to a better detachment level - not completely detached, but a lot more accepting of the situation and what is. After all, it is what it is.
We started some discussion about doing a forensic evaluation because we can't agree on a custody arrangement. I want a 50/50 split on time (I think it's fair) and she won't agree to it. I think she's concerned about the money - with a 50/50 split she won't get any child support. So I'm working with my lawyer to figure out if it's the best route to take at this time.
I was telling someone the other day - if you looked from the outside my W and I look like a normal couple raising two kids. It's actually kind of strange. We get along really well and have coparenting the kids as we did before she rebombed me.
I signed up to take a cooking class at the local Culinary Institute and I'm looking forward to that. I've joined a group at meetup.com and I'm going out with them on Friday night. This will help me develop a social network - something I've been lacking since I moved up here.
I've also started looking into some activities that I want to try - skydiving and kayaking.
So I'm working a multi-prong approach here. Working on myself (therapy and a lot of reading), PMA and my internal mindset, GAL'ing to create a happier me. I feel more confident and have lost almost all of that neediness/wishing things were different mindset.
Overall things are good.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
My W just called me at work to tell me a funny story about something my S said. We talked for a little while and laughed about it. Then we talked about some other non-essential stuff.
It seems the more I detach and let go the more she opens up with things like this. It's a funny thing. Doesn't change anything, but it is interesting - I've always been fascinated with human behavior.
MySitch Me-47 STBXW-41 D-5 S-8 ILYBNILWY-01/08 Want a D- 01/09 Physical Sep-01/10 D filed-06/10 Got 50% custody=09/11 Ride that wave!
My W just called me at work to tell me a funny story about something my S said. We talked for a little while and laughed about it. Then we talked about some other non-essential stuff.
She feels no pressure from you. You have no expectations so you are relaxed. You are becoming a better man and she sees it. Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Not too much going on. I've been moving along and taking care of the kids and work and household stuff. I've been in a really good mood and have the PMA going strong - even when my W rollercoasters a bit.
It's funny but she's been a bit playful and we've actually done some teasing in the past week or so. I look at them only as isolated incidents with no meaning. I've gotten myself to a better detachment level - not completely detached, but a lot more accepting of the situation and what is. After all, it is what it is.
I like this..continue on this path..do not waver..
detach, detach, detach....build a life...a better one..
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So I'm working with my lawyer to figure out if it's the best route to take at this time
this is good...your L should be doing the heavy lifting..
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I signed up to take a cooking class at the local Culinary Institute and I'm looking forward to that. I've joined a group at meetup.com and I'm going out with them on Friday night. This will help me develop a social network - something I've been lacking since I moved up here.
I've also started looking into some activities that I want to try - skydiving and kayaking.
awesome...I've got a Yak...a 12 ft. Sit on top...Wilderness systems..I fish out of it..yaks are cool..
