Yes the hanky panky does help....what really helps is to look at reality smack between the eyes. The reality is that the people our spouses have become do not deserve us. Are we all perfect? Probably not, however, there is no way that I will ever admit that we do not deserve better than what we were left with. An empty shell of a person....a person who is so much into themselves that he / she would put themselves before a marriage, a family, their own flesh and blood. Well, there are good people out there. Folks who can appreciate the kind of people we have become, who appreciate what we stand for. People who have morals and who have alot to offer. There is a whole world out there. One shell of a person should not affect us forever....
John, I am so happy you sound optimistic and positive. Woog would be so proud of you
Lan, I agree with Kerry's post a while ago. If you plan to talk or if you cant avoid it, try to make a plan in your head, maybe write it down, figure out what you want and how you think of the future. Of course your heart is not along with your head. I am almost 2 years separated and my heart and head are still apart (for various reasons). She is your wife, you cant just switch off the emotions although I am pretty sure it would make easier if you could... Take it slow, watch your BP and be good to yourself. You are strong man and you are teaching some of us lessons... xxx K
W phoned and said we need to talk, and she wants to talk now rather than the weekend. So tonight FIL will pick up D7 and W and I will have space to talk.
I'm not sure why she wants to talk now. But my last comment before setting off for work was I was going to be home late so she could take as much computer time with her new friend as she wanted.
Tonight my opening gambit will be unless W sees a future lets just talk details of a separation there will be no need to talk any sordid details, I just want to outline a separation plan. Unfortunately we'll have to remain in the same house for a while as my option for accomodation at my brothers house has gone. Another one of my points will be to ask W to move out, I've done nothing wrong so why should I move out.
Anyway I've still got time to gather my thoughts I will post again later.
Ever since I read your last post I am trying to put myself in HER shoes to see what reaction from you would make it "real".
I would suggest to be distant, clear, serious and strict. Keep your emotions in control and make sure she understands you are ready and able to take this further. Good luck today, I'll be thinking of you, K
I was just checking my archive folder on my works computer where I found emails between W and I from 2002 & 2004 where were saying "we needed to talk" , "how we couldn't go on like this and "how we would divide assets if we split". At that time there was no infedelity or not aparrent to me anyway. but it just shows we been riding this roller coaster for longer than we thought.
Anyway
Originally Posted By: Kerry K
Would she be able to move out and live with her parents?
That is a posssiblity but last this was mentioned probably when the real bomb was dropped her response was "No [censored] way am I moving in with my parents".
Maybe she should have thought about the consequences before the apparent infidelity.....I am very surprised that so may WAS do not really take the consequences (financial and otherwise) into consideration.
Stay strong Lan....i let XW off easy because of D8....but eventually, everybody hurts....
