I don't think what you need to do goes against DRing at all. The things you need to stop doing is like Sandi said. Stop pandering to your W's every desire, stop giving in to her every time she comes with some emotional blackmail, etc.
Dropping the rope means basically let her go. I know you want to hold on with every fibre of your being but it's obviously not working. You need to be able to distance yourself from her enough that you can begin to find yourself and grow as a person. You're most definitely now on the last resort technique (LRT) section in the DR book. Nowhere in there does it say anything about doing every little thing your W asks of you. You are definitely not responsible for the marital home when you're not living there. Do what Sandi says and only have your kids on your pre-agreed nights no matter how much your W tries to make you feel guilty about it. That won't make you any less of a loving father but it will make you more of a man.
She has you by the short and curlies mate and unless you step up and say enough is enough, nothing's going to change. The one goal I would set yourself now is to be able to stand up to your W and not let her bully you in to doing something. You know you can do it. It'll then become easier over time and she will respect you more for it. Stop looking for reactions from her too. Do things for you, not for her approval. Her approval is a weapon she's been using against you up till now and you have to stop it. You will gain more respect from her by doing this too no matter what she says. I know you can do it.
Good luck.
Kev
Me: 32, Wife: 22 Son: 2 Married: 2 years Separated: January 5th 2009
Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
