this has been a problem for me always--I haven't told her I feel about things as I feared she would get angry--I know that's very weak.
Fear will paralyze you. There is nothing to fear about getting tough here. It is needed. You have to understand about women. Right now is not the time to tell her your every feeling. Now is the time to let her wonder about your feelings. There is a huge dfference in telling a woman your feelings while in an ongoing relationship, it is quite another to reveal all your feelings when they are not sure about whether they love you or not.
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You know, the funny thing is, I'm not sure how I feel right now so this actually wouldn't be a lie--I really have thought about what you said the other day and have reread what you wrote about 5-6 times a day so please don't think you are wasting your time.
Of course you don't know how you feel. Tell her that when SHE opens the door again. We are not worried about what you really feel, what the concern is has to be how SHE feels and how to "help" her to start thinking different thoughts (and her conversation with you revealed that she was beginning to sort through those things. That was because you were NOT chasing and asking if she has made up her mind.)
I have been observing your thread for the last couple of days. You have been in a panic type mode. The reason was because she hadn't called you. She WILL call. Trust in that. Wait her out. (it makes you look stronger emotionally than her, which is what a helps women look at you in a different light. You HAVE to let her see that YOU ARE STRONGER THAN HER EMOTIONALLY. That takes a backbone. That takes leaving her alone. That takes appearing as if you have possibly moved on. When she feels that (and she was "starting" to feel it) she then will start asking and saying the very things she did. YOUR job is to stay pulled back and let her keep moving toward you. Remember.. NO PRESSURE. NONE. The way to take off the pressure is to do the things I am advising you to do. Get off the phone politely, yet quickly by saying things like .."I was just.... or I was just.. I talk to you later.. ta ta".. Not mean. Not punitive.. Then you let her sit on that again.. It may take a day. It may take a couple of days. It may take longer... Your job is to say to yourself... "NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES, I will not chase and I will not pressure.
Here is what has been going on regarding the OM.. She STILL thinks she loves him or is still in contact with him. My gut feeling is that he went back to his wife and dumped your wife for the time being. You don't need anymore information than that. Driving by her house or place is not the right approach. We already KNOW she still is hanging in there to see what is going to happen (hhhmmm same thing you are doing).... This is what women do. She is waiting to see what is going to happen with him. Since you are no big worry, then she can wait it out. Ole AFWAW will still be there. You need to pull the rug out from under her. The OM is NOT going to leave his wife. That is yet another reason why you getting tough here is in your favor. Women HATE to be alone without a man to lean on. You need to get her to wonder if she has lost you, so that her thoughts start changing to thinking about YOU and what YOU are doing. Remember.. Feelings follow thoughts. When she starts to think different thougths, is when her feelings will automaically change. Her thoughts need to be... "Have I lost AFWAW.. Is he seeing someone else, why did I tell him to start dating, why isn't he calling me anymore, why is he so short with me on the phone, did I go too far?".. and round and round and round she goes. She doesn't think those thoughts UNTIL you let go. How can she? She really needs to FEEL that you have. She can't feel it because you haven't shown her.
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Believe me when I say, with every day that goes by, I find myself thinking about what life would be like without her and what I'm going to do. I'm not sitting around tomorrow night, I'm actually going out w/ some folks from work. So, gucci, thanks again for your words of wisdom.
I do have a hard time believing you on that one. The last few days you have become wishy washy and suddenly were acting like you were going to panic. There is no panic here. We WANT HER TO PANIC.
You should be acting as if..... "Wow.. the single life is pretty darn great.. there sure are a lot of women out here that would just LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOVVVVE to have a man like me... I think I am going to start to live life to the fullest... When you look up fun in the dictionary, you will see my picture with a huge cat eaten grin."
You either get busy living or get busy dying......Women are attracted to men like this... Confident, secure, high self esteem (bordering on cocky) funny, emotionally strong,and ones that DO NOT ALLOW unaccetable behavior. A man who has no second thoughts about turning the other way and showing her that I am valuable. I will NOT share my love with a third person in the picture. If THAT is what you choose, then so be it, but you CAN NOT have me too. I will be perfectly fine without you, and as a matter of fact, this may be for the best. There are PLENTY of women that would looooooovvvve to have a man like me.... (you then go find one)
That is the attitude that works.... (Been there done that and found out how right I am).......
