She sure was.... That is because YOU stopped all pursuit and finally got her to WONDER what is going on with you. I told you this would happen and that you HAD TO PASS THE TEST WHEN SHE CALLED. (and she DID call) (I told you she would)
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She said, assuming the invitation is still open and I decide I want to come back, how will I deal with that?
Feeling you out here.
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I said, honestly, you'll have to do the best you can to make her feel special and do right by her no matter what happens as she's your daughter. She then said, I can't make up my mind. Again, I didn't respond.
Wrong answer. You SHOULD have said.. "I'm not sure that is what I want anymore. (and then shut up) The whole conversation would have been changed at that point...
Instead... Your answer validated that you are STILL there for her at her whim. (not attractive or strong)
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She then said, I can't make up my mind. Again, I didn't respond.
SEE? You told her in your earlier answer that you were still waiting for HER to make a decision. Men who are successful with women don't allow women do say these things to them because they don't put up with this behavior. It ISN'T her decision and when you discover that and apply it you will be set free and she will then have her chance to wonder if she has screwed up her chance. It won't happen UNTIL you get some backbone and are willing to put the whole relationship on the line.
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She said, hell, by the time I decide, you might not even want me back
This comment would not have been said if you would have told her earlier that you were not sure how YOU feel right now. She is not going to suddenly get her feelings back for a man that doesn't show some toughness and some integrity here. You need to show her that you value yourself much more than that. Allowing her (and that is all you are doing here) to treat you like this shows you lack value in yourself. (not attractive traits to lure a lover)
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She said I find myself driving by your work to see if your car is there and wondering where you are if it's not
BINGO..READ THIS OVER AGAIN.. AGAIN....You "had" her moving in the right direction. She is practically telling you that she will chase you when you let her wonder if she has gone too far. She needs some drama in her life. Give it to her.
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She said why don't you go out on a date this weekend.I stepped in and said, we have had this conversation before, I'm married and I don't go out on dates with other women.
WRONG ANSWER...
Taking this stance has gotten you nowhere. She has had SEX WITH 3 OR 4 MEN... That sure hasn't stopped you from wanting her back has it?
I recommend highly that when she asks you to go on a date that you say something to the effect of....
"You may be right. I am considering it." (then shut up)
Trying to say that "you stand for your marriage and don't go on dates with other women and then on the other hand saying that you will though tolerate a woman doing it too you and take HER back no matter what she has done isn't consistent. If you truly want to be consistent, here, then it would be more consistent to say "I don't date other women when I am married and I don't stay married to a woman who dates other men while married to me either." THAT is consistent. That is strong.
Jealousy is a button that could very well bring her back. I don't know why you wouldn't use all tools at your disposal. I would have told her for sure that I was SERIOUSLY thinking about taking her up on her offer and then shut up. I would BET that if you left her wondering, then she would have been dying to know in a few days if you had indeed done it. Let her deal with THAT response huh?
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I tried my best not to sound down and to be honest I wasn't this afternoon so it wasn't that tough.
I don't like to waste too much time giving advice to those who get wishy washy. I told you a few days ago how to respond when she calls you (and I told you she WOULD.. and she DID)
I told you to have a few words of small talk.. and then what did I tell you?.....
"Hey, I was just walking out the door, or I was just..... or I was just"..
This call from her was your perfect chance to get this moving your way. She had been thinking the correct thoughts in the last few days since you have turned off the chase. She even told you she was driving by to see where your car was.... You had her moving your way but not enough confidence to "hold the line" and cut her off nicely, but quickly by telling her "you were just walking out the door".. That was the PERFECT opening for you. PERFECT....
Your self esteem is so low that you can't seem to see or understand how effective gettting some backbone is. You have been wavering the past few days because of panic and because you hadn't heard from her. She isn't going to come back until she feels you have let go and are not going to tolerate a woman who can't make up her mind whether she loves you or whether she loves another man. I would make the decision for her. It may not be the one she was prepared for.....
