WAW1

[markhaving probs]

Hi Sandi,

I have read your post twice so far and will keep reading it. you can clearly see I have had to put up with alot of crap and when I look back over the years I never used to be this weak. I believe over the last few years specifically she HAS become a bully, though when we first met I cannot remember being like this.

I am starting to wonder if she has become frustrated with me because of my career, she complains of having to work harder than some of her friends who have careers in the airlines, successful businesses, whereas she has had to take on extra work to pay for things. Other than the mortgage we own both our cars, no loans, visa bills are paid in full as are all household bills, we have some savings, so we do not owe anything to anybody which in this day and age is pretty good. All this has done is made me question my ability as a husband and father and I have sometimes felt I am inadequate in some way.

I have not mentioned this before but we bought a house in Dec 07 that required extensive work doing to it. Our previous apartment was beautiful with only a £26,000 mortgage so we had a very good lifestyle. The new house required a £145,000 mortgage, then all the work required on it, the fact we spent 9 months living with my parents-in-law, and then I lost my job in January 08 and did not get another contract until May 08 (16 weeks). My point is, the stress I was under was immense at this time because of the above, when I got back to my PIL house I felt under pressure, I would retreat to our room for some space. This was not received very well by the PIL, my wife said my MIL saw a different sidee to me, and my wife said I did not handle stress very well, this was on top of some serious building issues we had with the builders. So during 2008 I had the following:

New (Old) house to renovate
No job for 3.5 months
Living with PIL for 9 months
Mortgage/Household bills to pay without income
Potential legal writ by neighbours for extension build
Problems with builders
Arguments with my wife/PIL

I am not looking for sympathy here as we all have problems, my point here is that my wife lost respect for me during all this and I feel may have contributed to what has transpired since, or alternatively may have been the icing on the cake. Even my MIL told my wife she saw a different side to me during the time we were there with them, who wouldn't under those circumstances.

To bring it back to the present do you feel the 180's I was going to work on should be re-thought? I am confused now because I thought the texts from her, the 'thank you' messages for helping her was making tiny progress and helping to axacerbate her anger and negativity, Coach's first steps toward reconcilliation.

Sandi, I know you are right with your findings that I have been weak etc as even one of my neighbours even said that is was my wife they could hear shouting in the house at the children, and bossing me around, though I did stop engaging with her so that the children did not have to keep hearing arguments and I hated the nagging, and also questioned myself whether the things she asked me to do were justified. What do I do know, completely detach, do nothing for her, just concentrate on the children with the agreed times?