Sandi: I saw in the alt that she's on a business trip apparently and looked like having fun! Just to update you, maybe she'll stop by here later. I hope so! BTW, feel free to comment on any of my sitch! Haven't heard from you in a while!
MB, I am still in touch with my stepson yes. He might actually be moving back here again for next school year. The final decision has not been made yet however. Thanks for stopping by!!
So, today was MC day! W remembered and we drove over there (1.5 hrs). we chatted the whole way there. Mostly her complaining about the people she works with. We had some good discussions about work attitudes from some people in general. We had 2 hrs scheduled and were going to do 40min individually each and then 40 min together at the end. I went first and basically updated the C on our sitch since we last saw her (June 08, 2 weeks before W moved out!). Told her about the long email from W and her meds, that I am starting to see more of the old W since she stopped her meds and that W admits that she's been stressed and depressed because of them. Told her about working on myself and being happier now, that I now see lots of thing that I needed to change and I have changed them. Bottomline, I now make myself happy, but still have an emotional bond with W and I think she feels similar about me, basically it's the desire for physical intimacy that is not there on her side. I took about 45 min.
Then W went and then after about 50min, C comes out and asks me if it's ok for W to take another 10-15 min because W really "needs this". I say that's fine, she needs to use all the time she needs. C goes back in and calls me in for about 10 min at the end. She asks W to tell me what her mindset is and she tells me that her feelings still are not any different and she's still stressed about our sitch, so that it would not be a good idea to move back in because it would bring all the stress and pressure back. C asks me what I would like to achieve with the joint session and I say that I would like to rebuild a new and better R/M with W and that I think that would be best for our boys. That I am NOT happier without W but have just figured out that I can and need to make myself happy before I can be in a meaningful R/M. The C said that for that to be productive,we both need to be in the right mindset. She said that while I still have to deal with some things, W is in a lot more complicated sitch with her family and work and she will need to work through those before we can have a joint session where we can see if and how we could rebuild our R and M. W told her that she really felt free to open up about anything to her and that she would like to continue seeing her. C said that she would encourage her to come see her at least once a month, that that would be most productive. We left there with us saying we would talk about things and email her to set up the next appointment.
Later in the car, W says she talked to her about a lot of things that she went through and never really talked about to anybody and that she still needs to work through a lot of those, like her R with her parents for example. I asked her if she thought that the C could help her and she said: "I sure hope so!". She also apologized for taking up most of the time with the MC, but I said that she needs to take the time she needs and that's absolutely fine.
W and I spent the afternoon together walking around a mall around there and shopping a little bit. Had lunch. All in all, very relaxed and having fun, joking around.... As usual, it's like what's really wrong?? Well, basically, it's the lack of her desire for physical intimacy. There are so many aspects of a R, all of them seem to be there: great friends, same sense of humor, emotional connection, etc... but W seems to have no desire for physical intimacy. And I can understand why that makes living together very difficult and awkward. We also did plan some activities that we could do together in the next couple of weeks.
So, bottomline is that while there were no major breakthroughs, it seems like she's willing to work on things and that is a babystep in my mind. It's also clear that some of her past may be playing a role in our sitch. When I dropped myself off at the house I asked her if she wanted me to email the C to set up the next appointment and she responed that she would take care of that. I am a little nervous about that, as she forgets stuff often. But I think I need to just let that go and let her take the lead this time, I can always remind her if needed.
