Yes, I was quite surprised as well, but not enough to let my guard down w/her. Not for a long, long while.
She's been really nice to me lately, even asking "is everything Ok?" when I called to talk w/D last night. It is interesting how she is nice to me when she's on her own, but a raving b!tch when she's w/someone in a relationship.
Thanks for saying D is lucky to have me. I feel I'm blessed to have her and I'm doing the best I can for her at all times. I'm by no means perfect, but my intentions are always pure.
You are so very correct as it may be the best and only way that either of our ladies can cope w/their issues. These type of things are filled w/coulda, woulda, and shoulda, but reality is we can't, so there is no reason to dwell on it.
Human nature keeps us wondering and there will be disappointment if she now decides to work on her inner demons, but ultimately, I wish for her to discover why she's so unhappy for herself so she can let herself free.
I'll be gone, but at least she'll be free and an XW that is free of her inner issues will be a much better mother to our D.
I've been in a bit of a rut, done nothing constructive and gained five pounds, so I've decided to stop being non-productive and get back to where I should be - eating right and exercising.
I know that my financial situation is what I've been allowing to bring me down, but I can't change it in the short run, so I need to buck back up before I get in a hole I'll never get out of again. Yikes! That would be scary!
Anyway, I missed my D this weekend, but she was having a blast w/XW and XW's mom in Disneyland. I wish I was there w/her to share in her enjoyment, but we'll have our time in the Magic Kingdom soon enough.
As for XW, she's nice to me as long as she's single. That will end soon as I'll be discussing the pension stuff again. She's poured in over 40K just on her own to her state-sponsored retirement during our M, so I've got to make sure it gets divied up fairly. There are other components to her retirement as well, so I need to be firm w/the handling of this final phase of our D.
It is all about business, but I'm willing to negotiate so I don't kill all of her Roth IRA holdings. However, if she won't listen and chooses to get nasty, then I may have no choice but to put this thing back in front of a judge, which is the LAST thing I want to do. I'm hoping she'll feel the same.
So, I'm back at school, but still behind in my work. Oh, well. That is what finals week is for - catching up - right?
I'm hitting the gym today for the first time in a week, so I'm looking forward to that.
Getting to the gym definitely helps the spirits and the energy level. I also find that working in the yard and gardening to be very good for the soul.
I too am finishing up on the retirement transfers - just waiting on my lawyer to tell me it is ok to transfer the remaining cash out. Then I am done - just monthly child support payments for the next 12 years to the person that was formerly my wife.
Rob, what about that ad for Canada? I'll have John tape it and send it to me. Your x is so weird. She is nice while single? How do you explain that? I would be nicer to my x if I felt I moved on and was happy. What she does to G will all the BFs coming and going is ...*&$@#& Love to you M
Hi Rob, I've been through those ruts a few times since we physically separated in October - but, like you, I do find that the best way to face them is to get up and "stop being non-productive and get to where I should be." In fact, that's exactly what I've been telling myself this morning as I've been trying to get refocused on my goals.
It doesn't surprise me much that she's nice to you when she's single - she just has so many unresolved issues - that the tension of her feelings must just throw her for a tailspin.
I'm glad I'm exercising again and I actually still feel sore today after Monday's workout of chest and shoulders. It is a nice feeling, to be honest.
I've been in contact w/XW over the past few days w/D going out of town and missing a day of school. D actually also missed yesterday as she was sick and had thrown up on the plane ride home. XW called me to tell me about it and said "I didn't want you to think I was deceiving you in any way w/D." Again, it is just interesting how much she cares about having a productive relationship when she's single.
As you've all said, I can only hope this will lead her to look inward and see why she's so unhappy. I can dream, but there isn't anything I can do for her. It is all up to her and her alone.
Carlos - although we both hit these ruts, it is good to know that we understand the cure - getting up and moving! As long as I can keep this fresh in my mind, my "down times" will be short and few and far in between.
Kalni- the commercial isn't on-line yet. I looked for it yesterday and it isn't up yet. I'll keep looking and post the link when it is up and running.
Kerry - I'm glad you are in your final phases of your financial settlements. I will still have the pension issue to settle w/her sometime this summer, most likely.
I too will be glad to have the freedom to move forward w/out any issues lingering overhead w/ XW and finances.
Oh, hey. I forgot to add what I figured out this morning.
See, last night I worked the high school baseball game at school (we are ranked in the top 10 w/Baseball America and the top 25 w/USA Today, so we're pretty good) and initially I was scheduled to go out for a drink, but those plans fell through.
Knowing this, I decided to stop off and have beer and wings for dinner. I wasn't motivated to hustle home and get ready, so I did the "stop off" instead.
Well, this morning, it kind of hit me that I was a bit down by the changed plans and instead of hitting the gym and eating well last night, I cashed in the chips, threw the diet out the window and drank a few beers. This isn't normally bad, but it seems to me that I did this because I was disappointed which is a bit of a red flag.
I need to be more aware of this and work on fighting through my disappointments and as a result, continue to go off on my day as planned and avoid "endulging myself" for comfort.
See, today I'm really tired (not hungover as I didn't drink NEAR enough to be close to drunk), but if I'd have done as I originally planned, or hit the gym after my original plans fell through, I would have been feeling much more alert right now.
So, it is a good thing to recognize and I can hope to act on it sooner in the future as I continue to learn, grow, and live my new life.
I just read this excerpt this morning! I am using that word "discipline" a lot more in my life, and it isn't as limiting as I used to see it...
Quote:
The Power of Discipline By Brian Tracy
Why are some people more successful than others? Why do some people make more money, live happier lives and accomplish much more in the same number of years than the great majority? I started out in life with few advantages. I did not graduate from high school. I worked at menial jobs. I had limited education, limited skills and a limited future. And then I began asking, "Why are some people more successful than others?" This question changed my life. Over the years, I have read thousands of books and articles on the subjects of success and achievement. It seems that the reasons for these accomplishments have been discussed and written about for more than two thousand years, in every conceivable way. One quality that most philosophers, teachers and experts agree on is the importance of self-discipline. As Al Tomsik summarized it years ago, "Success is tons of discipline." Some years ago, I attended a conference in Washington. It was the lunch break and I was eating at a nearby food fair. The area was crowded and I sat down at the last open table by myself, even though it was a table for four. A few minutes later, an older gentleman and a younger woman who was his assistant came along carrying trays of food, obviously looking for a place to sit. With plenty of room at my table, I immediately arose and invited the older gentleman to join me. He was hesitant, but I insisted. Finally, thanking me as he sat down, we began to chat over lunch. It turned out that his name was Kop Kopmeyer. As it happened, I immediately knew who he was. He was a legend in the field of success and achievement. Kop Kopmeyer had written four large books, each of which contained 250 success principles that he had derived from more than fifty years of research and study. I had read all four books from cover to cover, more than once. After we had chatted for awhile, I asked him the question that many people in this situation would ask, "Of all the one thousand success principles that you have discovered, which do you think is the most important?" He smiled at me with a twinkle in his eye, as if he had been asked this question many times, and replied, without hesitating, "The most important success principle of all was stated by Thomas Huxley many years ago. He said, 'Do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not.'" He went on to say, "There are 999 other success principles that I have found in my reading and experience, but without self-discipline, none of them work." Self-discipline is the key to personal greatness. It is the magic quality that opens all doors for you, and makes everything else possible. With self-discipline, the average person can rise as far and as fast as his talents and intelligence can take him. But without self-discipline, a person with every blessing of background, education and opportunity will seldom rise above mediocrity. In the pages ahead I will describe seven areas of your life where the practice of self-discipline will be key to your success. These areas include goals, character, time management, personal health, money, courage and responsibility. It is my hope that you'll find a few "nuggets" that will help make your dreams come true.
