WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 8

[confusedinpa]

Well she wound up calling me in tears

She said that she felt I was really cold to her tonite. She said I made her feel like she didn't belong there with me and the boys. She was also upset how we couldn't/didnt communicate the plans very well so she wound up eating cold pizza as the boys and I were already done eating.

She said if that was they way I was going to treat her, she didn't think there was any reason to ever see me again.

She then got into some past stuff of how she was tired of living a lie of how she was pretending she was happy and just couldn't do it any more. She seemed thoroughly confused and emotional.

I stopped her before she got too far about the past and said "There were things I said that I shouldn't have said. There were thing I didn't say but should have said. There were things I did that I shouldn't have done and there are things I didn't do that I should have. I know that and I've appologized for that enough. I understand things differently know but now and have been trying to show her that right up to when she left me. Now that she left me, I really didn't know how I should treat her. She had left me because she needed time and space to heal so I was trying to give it to her."

She said that I could/should treat her the way I want to treat her how I want to and if its not comfortable for her she would say so.

She said then talked about how I questioned why she didn't seem upset about the loss of the marriage. She said she feels its because she felt she was losing me and the marriage 2 years ago. She went through all the grief and sadness then. Now she's at the acceptance so that's why she's not all sad.

I told her that was part of our problem. We couldn't communicate that I knew what the problem was nor the severity of the problem so I didn't know what to work on. So now that I do, she doesn't want to so it feels like we haven't been able to give our relationship a chance

I said that we both agreed this is not where we wanted our relationship to be. But I accept that our old marriage/relationship is over. What we need to decide is what kind of relationship we want in the future. She knows I want a husband and wife relationship but not like what we had, but a better one

She then said that before we can get to the point of talking about the hard/difficult stuff like our relationship, she feels we need to get to the point where we can talk about just regular stuff (ie about the kids and other tactical stuff). I said that communication is the issue betwen us and we need to talk about how do we do that. She said we just need to "practice" it and see how it goes and work on it from there.

We talked for 45 minutes before I finally said it was getting late. We said goodnite and she said we would talk tomorrow.

I just don't understand what she's doing or heading at. Maybe she doesn't either.

I think I got too carried away with Dark/Dim so I became too cold. I need to really fine tune this