Mare, I know it all hurt, you feel sick at heart, but really it went great!!!!! So maybe he is not ready to confess every little detail yet but he has opened up and is talking! He wants to make your marriage work! And he acknowledges that there are problems and is willing to work on them. Give him DB to read! Suggest he arrange the counseling, perhaps he will feel more secure if he is in control of the choice. I remember telling my H that I had a lot of hurt and resentment inside and if he really loved me he was going to just have to take all the shit I delt out to him in order to prove his determination and his love. Ofcourse no one says they have to smile while the take it!You need to tell him when you need reassurance and he has to be willing to give it. It sounds like he is! You have to try not to reject him though. Try not to let your hurt and anger color everything. Remind yourself when he reaches out to you and you feel like turning your back on him that, despite the pain, you do love this man and want your marriage to work! He is going to be feeling his way along too! He is going to be unsure and need help and reassurance too! So even though you may feel it is his just rewards to have to explain to the children his actions all alone, be with him, he will appreciate the morale support you provide and will hopefully give you credit for having a generous nature! You knowwhat I mean "I know I had no right to ask it of you, but having you there while i told the kids ment so much to me!" You will have to work together to get through this! And if you are both willing you can!!
Letters work great, they help you say all the things you cant say in person because you start crying and loose your train of thought!
I wrote a letter to my H telling him how much I love him, the things I admire, the things that attract me to him, his good qualities, also how hurt I feel, the devistation, the confusion and doubts, how i need his help and support. Some of the problems we face and need to fix. How I can live with out him but would prefer to live with him. I tried to pour my heart into those pages. He carries this letter with him daily and rereads it. I reread it too. It helped me realise why i want this relationship to work, why i love him. And also helped me purge a lot of the bad feelings, I was able to express to him my hurt and anger but without a nasty confrontation. Instead of being negative and hurtful it came out positive.
Hopefully you letter was a start in this direction, it sounds like it was. Communication is Sooooo important. Dont NOT talk to him, tell him how you feel. If it is something you know will be painfull for him to hear, soften the blow by telling him first that you love him. Some painfull things just have to be said! Just make sure it is necessary and you arnt doing it just to be hurtfull!
We all have to find our own path and you will find yours! You are already on your way. Keep up the PMA! We are here for you!
I feel your pain but am happy for you at the same time!!!!! Him acknowledging his actions is both relieving and devistating, see it for the hopefull action it is, the beginning of the rainbow that can be!!
