You can never be good enough, perfect enough, sweet enough, etc... to make broken abusive people love you properly. They can't love anyone properly -- they may blame it on you, but it is their brokenness, and you can't heal that for them. Not now, not 2 years abo, not 10 years ago, not 20 years ago, not 30 years ago, and not 40 years ago...
The good news is: you can certainly have a wonderful R with the right person at the right time, and it won't require contorting your being. Think how nice it would be to give up the contortions ! What do you think?
! What do you think?