I Never Imagined Being Here

[Making_IT]

Know that your W is going to be angry about many things you do or don't do. That doesn't mean you're not doing the right thing. WAS often react negatively but they'll get over it. You cannot let the fear of scaring her away guide your decisions and actions.

Thank you for pointing that out, that is absolutely an area that I need to work on. When I am having higher moments, this is less of a problem. When I am feeling down, I go back over every action that I have done and over analyze how she may perceive it. I drive myself to a point of fear/panic that isn't healthy.

I certainly contributed to the situation that our relationship is in today. I took her for granted and kept the marriage on auto-pilot. I just always assumed that we were the high-school sweethearts that would be together forever. I didn't take the time or make the effort to stop and ask her how things are going in a sincere way. I was caught up in my own life and didn't place much effort in understanding what her needs are and how they have changed. I felt that by buying her the things that she wanted and taking her on nice trips, that was enough.

I was a very poor listener. When she would try and talk to me I quickly focused on finding an answer/solution instead of just listening and truly understanding. This is a trait that I am working on changing daily even with basic communication with co-workers and friends. I still have a ways to go on this. I have always known that she bottles up feelings and emotions. Knowing this, I should have put more effort in getting through to her.

When I finished my MBA last October, I told her that I wanted to start running with her. She had started the year prior and has done really well with it. She lost a lot of weight and built a lot of self-confidence. I did start running with her and ran my first 5K earlier this year. I was feeling good about it and was beginning to truly enjoy it. After all of this went down, she told me that she felt like I was pretending which hurt a lot. That isn't something that you can "pretend" to do for any amount of time. This may have been part of her justification.