As far as your three 180"s - the first one is a no-brainer -- being the best dad you can be has nothing to do with your W or your M, and everything to do with you and your children.
As far as "being helpful", I think that if it's something in regard to your children, go for it. But other than that, I'd back off. She needs to "get" what life without you is like. I know there's a fine line, don't let her use you. She doesn't respect you, I don't know how long that's been the case, but that's a HUGE problem. Women closely equate love and respect, and have a hard time loving a man that doesn't earn their respect. She's throwing you crumbs - don't you want a whole piece of cake, and not crumbs?
I understand about the communication 180 - but I would keep not initiating, and keeping interactions short, but pleasant. Talk to her like you'd talk to a neighbor, friendly, casual, etc.
You need to show her STRENGTH and COMPOSURE. Be a strong, confident, MAN.
And yes, you can do it. Everyone on this site has had their hearts shattered, and life turned upside down, just like you.
What is something positive that happened for you today?
