The adventure continues- part 4

[AFWAW]

What I'm not quite understanding is this recent stuff. Why do you have to see his face in order to expose them at their work?

She never gave me a name of anyone and wouldn't.

Why do you need to see his face?

37+ possibles at her work--large building

And why do you have to ensure that he is at her apartment in order to expose them?

She claims she ended it--I want to see if that is true.

To me, I'm not sure if exposing is the right plan. It will definitely shake things up and it will probably stop all the affairs and heads will roll...but it may or may not make her ever want to be with you again.

I've been asking myself the same thing but what else can I do? Sit there and suffer? Revenge affair? What's the right thing to do? Difficult to answer I know--I've wasted many hours contemplating.

Then on the other hand, lets say you don't expose. She still may or may not want to ever be with you again.

Good point and quite possibly true as well.

To me, what you really need to do is decide for YOURSELF if YOU want HER back or not. Decide this assuming she is still having affairs. And then you will know what to do.

If she said she wanted to come back today, I would have her. Tomorrow, who knows. If I see a light on and someone answers the door, then I will have a definative answer as I almost 100% sure she will hate me enough to never come back. In fact I know it will be quite ugly for her.

Will it heal anything within YOU?

I thought about this also and NO is the answer but it will give me closure and force me into a decision which is much, much better than where I'm at right now. Good question.

[AFWAW]

Oh, I'm sure if I confront him, his first phone call will be to the wife. No child like behavior on my part--if anything I'm the responsible adult and have done nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of. I am however ashamed for her at this point and my heart is broken severly.

[DanceQueen]

My honest answer then, after your answer, is that you don't need any more proof....you don't really need to expose (but that is up to you and it may have its merits)...what you really need to do is walk away from her and the drama, consider yourself fully separated, and begin moving forward in your life as if she is not going to be part of it. I would also go to a lawyer if you haven't already. And if you belong to church, get ahold of your pastor and ask for some special one-on-one time with him, to pray for you and your family. Get into IC if you aren't already. Surround yourself with friends and family....

....but do begin moving forward as if she will not be your wife.

She may snap out of her fog, but it will likely take a long time. During that time, your heart will be breaking every moment if you are waiting for HER to decide your fate.

If you make the painful decision to take your fate back into YOUR own hands, and begin to move forward, talk to a lawyer, etc...then you will begin to start feeling a little bit better SOONER than you will if you just wait out her addiction.

And when I say begin to move forward, this is not the same as moving on. It just moves you forward by your own decision instead of remaining stuck in limbo waiting for her to decide your fate.

Hang in there...

DQ

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

I opted to forego exposure last year with my DH. However, I have made it abundantly clear that if he files, I will have him served with my countersuit through his JAG office at the ship while he is at work and that I will have the OW served at the MEPS office she works at. I will have it done as publicly as possible.

As long as there is a possibility of reconciliation--which God has assured me over and over that there is, I will not interfere with his career with no action taken on his part. if he files, I figure he is willing to risk the exposure.

It was not an easy decision to make and I did make sure that one ombudsman knew the whole situation during the last deployment, in case something happened with me or the kids. She does not know about this latest twist, as i do not know if she would refrain from exposure herself--she and I ahve become really good friends over the last 8 months.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[Puppy Dog Tails]

AF,

Why not just sit in your car, and see with whom she walks into (or out of) the apartment building?

Seems to me that should tell you all you need to know?

Puppy

[LG nm12]

What DQ said.

Own your own fate. You already know what it is to let your W control your fate. She cast you aside and left you behind, and you are sitting there waiting for her to come back and pick you back up again. Do not wait. Do not put yourself on a shelf. Please love yourself more than that.

She already cheated, and we can be pretty sure she still is. Would seeing the light on in her apartment be that much more horrifying than what she's already done to finally make you stop waiting for her? Please don't spy for THAT reason. Just get the ID on the guy and leave without confrontation.

Start creating a life that you will love living. Start to envision what you want, with the assumption that she is gone. Stop waiting.

CAPISCE???

Lucky

[DanceQueen]

And following up behind Lucky...I still don't quite get why you need to see the OM at all? You said she admitted to sleeping with 4 guys...it seems you are only focused on one of them and needing some kind of proof of "which one" it is by seeing him at her apartment....? I don't really get it. I think maybe some kind of self-masochistic thing is creeping into your head. It will be so painful for you to see a man enter her apartment. Why put yourself through it? I still don't see the need. She is cheating. She has cheated. She continues to cheat. It could be one or many men. Who cares what his face looks like? Is this really about exposure, or is there something inside of you that just has to see what kind of POS she is screwing in order to hate her enough for you to move forward? Which does make a little bit of sense in a sick way...but never trust your impulses to be unkind to yourself when you are going through a crisis! Your impulse to need to see this guy seems self-masochistic to me. (I don't mean that with any disrepect...we all do things that are not our normal reactions when we are in crisis mode).

DQ

[hooper1668]

DQ,
For him to expose and be able to get a "no contact" order from the military to end this affair he will need proof for the military to do something...we do not know how this started but it is very unusual for an officer to have such a blatant affair with an enlisted person...even more so when the persons spouse is deployed.

AFWAW, you do what you feel is best for you but until the affair is over nothing will get better for you and your daughter...DQ is correct that perhaps it is best for you to prepare for life without her...if for no other reason your own peace of mind. The admission from her might be enough to save your retirement check...do not think that just because she gets some of your retirement you will get some of hers. If you make SMSgt your pay could become more attractive to her or whomever she is cheating with later. Do not get angry an do anything to get arrested...you will pay for it. You are in a great position now with her moving out and leaving yoru daughter...make sure you are keeping records on visits, support, missed visits, etc. Hang tough and never let her see you down. Stay busy.

V/r,

[AFWAW]

DQ,
You're right, I don't need anymore proof. What I want is peace of mind in that if there is no one at the apartment then I at least know that it is over w/ OM and she has not meant what she said about learning her lesson. If this is the case then I can have some closure and will disregard all future comments from her as they will be non-valid in my mind, and I mean everything!

I have already seen a lawyer and am prepared if necessary to spend every dime I have to protect my daughter.


Thank you so much for your words of encouragement.

John

[AFWAW]

I opted to forego exposure last year with my DH. However, I have made it abundantly clear that if he files, I will have him served with my countersuit through his JAG office at the ship while he is at work and that I will have the OW served at the MEPS office she works at. I will have it done as publicly as possible.

That's awesome!

As long as there is a possibility of reconciliation--which God has assured me over and over that there is, I will not interfere with his career with no action taken on his part. if he files, I figure he is willing to risk the exposure.

I am thinking in the same way right now but I will still go over Sat night to verify if someone is in the apartment as I know she will not be.