So here goes. I will try to keep it short since brevity is the soul of wit.
I met my H 10 years ago when I was 17 and he was 27. Despite the age gap we had a great deal in common. This does not happen to me very often and it still amazes me that I should have met someone so compatable in a local factory.
In most ways I am very happy with our r. He is a lovely man very kind and sweet and also works very hard which I admire. In some ways we both had a difficult time growing up and I suppose we still have the hang ups that go with it. On the other hand in many ways this has taught us a lot. I know what a bad marriage is like, and I know how lucky I am to have such a nice husband. I am also very good at dealing with stressful times. Sometimes too good. Most problems do not bother me, I tend to let things go. I like to escape into the more interesting fantasy world of my imagination. This has got me through some tough times in a sane and positive frame of mind. At the same time it does sometimes stop me from ever looking for solutions.
At first we used to make love quite a lot but we were both pretty bad at it. Things did not come as naturally as romantic fiction might suggest. It tended to be awkward and uncomfortable, often frustrating. Also I have suffered from a number of gynacological problems that did not help matters. Neither of us had much clue what to do and we never really thought we could improve things. My H can be quite old fashioned (and also shy) I think he would think of a sex manual as a kind of pornography. So I guess we thought it was this or nothing and he chose nothing (well about 3 times a year).
We did not feel comfortable talking about it. He might say he was too tired. And I think he felt it was his fault and is quite defensive about it. But he just clams up if I try to raise the subject and I don't think I could ever push him into talking about it. Certainly not back then. I just let it go.
So this went on for years and despite it like I say we were pretty happy. We married 2 years ago and I barely expected to have sex on my honeymoon, but in fact we did. It was still not very good but I loved it. I would say I could do it every day if it were on offer. Still it soon dwindled back to once a quarter along with the phone bill.
It was really by accident I came to realise things could change. I was reading the lesbian help and advice site and it did help and advise. I think recently I have become more comfortable with myself and my sexuality. I mean I am straight but I am more comfortable with what I do want. And I finally worked out how to stop the sex from hurting.
I really hate conflict and as I say I value my marriage more than anything and often I am scared to say anything that might rock the boat. But I am beginning to feel that I could confront my H with this without risking our marriage. In fact that this would be a good thing to do that could improve the M. But it is very hard for me to be this open about my feelings and talk openly about sex. And as I say he does not want to hear this, and he can be very stubborn and incommunicative. I really hate to upset him. However I have come to believe that this is the right thing to do. I just cant make myself do it. How do I get my courage up? And what is the best thing to say? I am aware that no matter what I say he may not react positively and I'm willing to give it a go. But I don't want to hurt him any more than I have to.
Well that was a little longer than I meant and also not very witty, but I hope for some good advice. Crazy Jim I would like to know what you think since you are, in my estimation, crazy like a fox. So you may also be as cunning as a fox.
