I Never Imagined Being Here

[pearlharbr]

I think it's totally normal to have mixed feelings. But you don't just have two options. You can get on with life because it's necessary to work on the M. They are not mutually exclusive. That's where loving detachment comes in. You are giving her the space she wants and needs while working on yourself and moving forward with your life. There is no need to file for D anywhere in there.

You are on the roller coaster but you don't have to be. You can make the choice to get off. You are choosing to allow your W's actions dictate your emotions. Take her out of the picture, focus on yourself, and you will get off the roller coaster.

Why were you talking to her mother? Did MIL call you or did you call her? Do not try to involve her parents as it can totally backfire. If you have contact with her family you must DB them also. This is a mistake I made myself so I speak from experience.

And do not rely on their advice because it comes from them. While they may mean well it doesn't mean they know what's best. Use whatever information they offer as a source of knowledge but make sure what you do is part of your plan. You weren't going to contact your W until Thur but you did it yesterday because MIL suggested it?

Always keep in mind that you cannot control anything but your own actions. Use this time wisely. What were the issues your W identified as making her want to leave? Have you examined them objectively and determined which ones have merit? If she hasn't given you reasons can you figure them out on your own? What are you doing to make those changes in yourself to become a better person?