Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[iwantittowork]

I have a couple questions that I am looking for some help on, if anyone has read all the ramblings so far.

I have come to the conclusion the Counselor we had been seeing has not been good for me, whether I had just not been in the right place, or frame of mind for or she just isn't working doesn't matter to me, I just feel that I don't want to go to her anymore.

We have a meeting setup for Friday night, which I want to tell my wife I will not be attending for the above reason. I believe this meeting will be to start the process of breakup, and how we approach the kids, etc, and I don't want her to think I am trying to avoid that talk, I just don't think this counselor is good for me at this time. Do you think I should tell her I am not coming?

I am surprised in the rapid change in my own feelings, I am calm, not scared, fear seems to have dropped over this situation. I have been listening the 'the secret' audio tape on the ride to work, and it is clearly resonating with me. Has anyone else seen this kind of rapid change in themselves during what I expected would be a period for me of complete devastation?

I can clearly see some huge mistakes I had/have been making, I hope that writing them here, and maybe people reading them here will help them as well.

Not only had I been looking for my wife to provide happiness for me, through physical contact, emotion, etc, I had been expecting myself to provide happiness to my wife. This is so evident now: A lot of our relationship, I had been trying things like: maybe my wife will be happy with me, if I get a great job, get a new car, buy a boat, get a big house, etc, etc. That is so wrong, and putting so much pressure on her as well as me, when the truth of the matter is, it's not my responsibility to make her happy, just as it's not her responsibility to make ME happy. The only one who can make her happy is herself, the only one that can make ME happy is MYSELF. I can't believe I couldn't see this as clearly as I do now.